early blogging days

early days for blogging....seems to be working tho....the "book" is actually getting written....one random chapter at a time.
beats the hell out of the chronic procrastination of the last ( who knows how long ? ).
often heard "why don't you write that shit down?"....while spinning some tall-tale or other, hanging out in the pot-bars of vancouver's downtown east-side.
mary-jane seemed to awaken the story-teller within....and creative juices would flow freely for a spell.

another word-picture of the one within who wishes to be heard.

my name is kavi the dark and plump,
and i live under the bridge,
i rarely come out in the daylight hours,
as i'm likely to frighten the kids.
i'm scruffy and rumpled,
i don't smell so good,
and my teeth are a hideous green.
i live in the shadows
and know all the tricks
i'm not really nasty or mean.

wow....just became aware that a younger relative is reading one or more of the blogs.

not easy sitting with the subtle fears of disapproval, disagreement, judgement and condemnation.

life has been for me...."one MUST always be appropriate when one speaks !!!!....or else !"
for me the only way to face these fears is to walk straight into the apparent darkness.

15 months ago, i was a walking dead man....convinced there were no caring ears to listen....wishing only for merciful death to end the agony.

by grace and good fortune, i'm still here....what now ?
my higher power guides me....i must speak !....not for you or you or you....but to free my aching soul.

your response is what it is....i cannot risk colouring this shite to accomodate sensitive eyes or minds.

that would be like admitting they were right....the emperor was clothed....and i was wrong and bad and out of line.

again !