what's the point ?

the other day during an encounter with someone i've known for some time, this person suddenly felt compelled to channel his personal rage and contempt in my direction.

looking back, i understood why he would hold that point of view, although i do disagree with his ideas.
it was his choice to voice his concern in a violent abusive manner and tone that was disturbing.

my best guess is that he's unable to control his angry impulses and likely sees nothing "wrong" with venting his bitterness and contempt upon others.

in that moment, i did the best i could to counter this verbal attack and hold ground.

i was quite disturbed by the sudden, unprovoked outburst of unveiled spite.

from what i know and surmise about him, i am not surprised.

still, i am shocked whenever these types of incidents occur in life.
shades of my unpredictable, volatile, violent and abusive father.

it wasn't til returning home that i noticed i was trembling uncontrollably....feeling over-whelmed with a convoluted wave of intense feelings....a PTSD episode !
the most challenging set of emotions was the powerful urge to counter the verbal attack with swift and brutal vengeance.

this kind of event represents a crucial social issue for me....especially with men who behave and communicate in this way.
i understand this is a sick person, who probably has no idea how his communication style may affect others.

still though....i have been quite upset for nearly 2 days....which of course, is my issue.

i did see that person today, and they behaved as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred, which must be true for him.

this is frustrating, because it will only happen again, i do not know what to say or how to say it....as my ancient belief seems to be...."what's the point of speaking?"

with my early life history, that core belief is a no-brainer.

this is certainly a common self-defeating belief throughout life....still to this day...."what's the point of speaking ?"

i wonder if anyone has an idea how challenging it is to muster the courage to look beneath the core belief and see if there's actually something that can be said or done to affect change.

for the chronically bullied to stand up to the bully....these efforts are no less than heroic.

whereas the next person might have no idea.