been attending 12 step meetings lately (over last 5 years or so with serious intent)....my way of re-joining the human race....re-learning how to intuitively move through worldly affairs....and respond appropriately re people/places/things/circumstances/events.
the 12 step world offers something rare and special for me....a medium for communion amongst other like-minded souls without fear of critical judgement or exclusion.
previous life experience had led me to enlist in a "cult"....of course at the time, it seemed that each step of the way was guided by free choice and careful consideration. a "cult" to me is nothing more than an "exclusive" culture....
this one i speak of, as well as others i'm aware of historically, professed something quite attractive....it was presented as a non-denominational, non-discriminatory, all-inclusive spiritual community.
the folks i associated with in this "cult" represented a very small range of humans....middle class, at least 95% caucasian, accustomed to a reasonably comfortable standard of life.
the 12 step world offers me the broadest range of humans to associate with and learn about....from all ranges of the socio-economic spectrum.
i\have come to see through experience the book must not be judged by it's cover.
guardian angels and heavenly messengers rarely appear as one might imagine.
there are those who have been driven to the dark places of existence, through circumstance and/or fate, and have found a guiding light there all the same....just not a generally accepted sort of flame.
if you're afraid....that's good....you're alive....if you're that afraid you're compelled to move away....to a safer more comfortable distance....i suggest....the "unknown" is only frightening til it's known !
many folks i've "known" in life know me as a sort of subservient "lesser" being....my level of self-esteem has always seemed extremely low.
i had come to accept this dynamic as my fate.
no longer !
if you wish to commune-icate with me, we can have a relations-ship, if not....it's all a figment of someone's imagination....certainly not mine.
my old "poor me" song has been "why is it always me reaching out to say "hi" ????"....very good question.
been accustomed to settling for that....simply because i believed that these "friends" were better than no friends at all.
now ?!?!....we shall see....am truly trusting in powers that be.
expressing and revealing self as i am....here and now....will invite friendship if it's meant to be....or not !!!
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