abuse

i turned to someone today
for an objective ear
in a confidential arrangement
bad choice
i had forgotten that this person is incapable of such a thing
we had played out this melodrama before
didn't take long until i was reminded
my long-time mentor is away for a while
this other person presents as a mentor
he is not qualified
he didn't seem to understand the need to remain neutral
he took a lot of what i said personally
not to him though
in regards to other folks he knew
who were not present
i was not allowed to finish what i set out to say
i instead was being drawn into a heated debate
been there and done that
ad nauseum
i chose to get up and say these words
i will not debate with you
i am leaving
goodbye
he complained
why are you leaving ?
i said
i'm not here to baby-sit your feelings
which are yours and not caused by me
i am a free agent and choose to do as i please
as i was leaving
feeling quite clear and self-assured
and free
i noticed the most profound look of perplexity on his face
like a puzzled frustrated dog
the moment he chose to allow his knee-jerk reactions
to cloud his objectivity
he became angry and defensive
then he became offensive
it seemed he felt absolutely justified in visiting me with his frustration and anger
i refused to accept it
his anger does not belong to me
his belief that he could be this way with me seemed natural enough to him
but to me....this is the seed of abuse
i chose to break that cycle with this person
he will never have my permission to express frustration in an angry way towards me
he will always have my permission to express his feelings without blaming me for them

the end ?

the beginning ?