It must be so !

Some executive vice-president,
in charge of nothing and no-one,
has officially decreed that
I'm a clear and present danger
to the imaginary kingdom,
wherein he's fought so long
to gain his lofty status.

It must be so !

However else could he rationalize
the price he chose to pay
to attain the right to say
that things must go his way ?

It must be so !

Or else !

It declares in his book of revelations,
his peers and allies all concur,
the rest of the executive directorship
are lined up to show their support
as he's a fine upstanding fellow;
except when he sits down, of course.

It must be so !

And even if it isn't,
they dare not let anyone know.
However could they justify their clout
and positions of esteem that they possess
Whatever would the neighbors think ?
how could one explain it to the spouse ?

It must be so !

Woe to the ones who see right through
the sleight of hand, smoke and mirrors.
Pity those that dare to speak of this
and blow their cover to smithereens

It must be so !

Qr else !

born to run

sitting still and quiet
yet running like hell
oh so fast
towards oh so far away

seems to be
some primal urge
to live
to breathe
to eat
to hunt
to mate

to stay alive
another moment
another day

a primal wordless
inner voice
urgently commands

keep running
or die

to be still
is to be eaten

to be still
and quiet
is to die

the guilty one

yes
it's me

i am the guilty one

it all comes back to me
no sense in pretense
the charade ends here and now
the jig is up
time to face the music
it's open and shut
case closed
time to come clean

now what ?

tried to turn myself in
the cells were full
they were understaffed
some kind of union action
well....
inaction actually

i was officially advised
which makes it for real
just like on TV
i have copies of the forms
in triplicate of course

so....
they told me
to go back where i came from
they wouldn't and couldn't deal with me
i had already done my time
i wasn't even a statistic anymore

not crazy enough to lock up
yet too far gone for help

there were plenty of folks around
that would never let me live it down

something like the mark of judas
or cain
or something
scarred across my brow

some kind of sign or symbol
that everyone could see
but for me

what it says is this....
i am the guilty one

and i must forever pay

just who did i think i was anyway ?
waking the sleeping elephant in the parlour

and telling all about it
in great and gory detail
out there beyond the bolted doors
and shuttered windows

the original sin
it seems
to speak the unspeakable
to violate the sanctity of the unsanctified
to speak the evil
i had heard and seen

what kind of loyal monkey was i anyway ?

to break the unwritten unspoken code
how was i to know this ?

it was never written down or spoken about
how was i to know ?

i was supposed to know
this is certain

how was it i didn't know ?
and the rest seemed to be born knowing ?

i don't know
never did
likely never will

in the end
it all boils down to this

i am the guilty one

yes
it's me

i am the one

from the shadows

i've chosen to rip the lid off a malignant situation
you should have seen them skittery critters scatter
in any and all directions for shelter from the light

whatever it was got into me i still don't have a clue
at times it seems i'm led by fear of being devoured
by the things i hear that beckon from the shadows

forces of darkness

the forces of darkness
don't care for the truth
or the light that it sheds
on their whole situation

the truth don't just hurt
but it burns and it blinds
and fouls up the works
of their malevolent minds

it's in the eyes

often i have found myself
faced with this dilemma
to place my faith and trust
with someone i don't know

it's in the eyes
they never lie
never have
never will

there are volumes
upon volumes
of all i need to know
staring there right at me
through that window
to the soul

it's in the eyes
they never lie
never have
never will

but am i looking
for the truth ?

or am i more than willing
to invest in the story
being sold ?

not in words
nor in prospects
but something in the eyes
always in the eyes

sometimes
i seem to choose
to disregard the signs
clear though they may be

sometimes i am blinded
by those eyes that gaze at me

it's in the eyes
they are awaiting

do i choose
to risk the danger ?

i have taken countless journeys
to great heights and depths
in the name of what i thought i saw
or hoped to see
in the eyes of one i loved

the signs were always there
with each and every one

the truth was glaring at me
was it truth i chose to see ?

i don't know
i don't think so

i preferred to chase the dream
than what my eyes did see

young sailors

when young sailors
set out to ply the seas
on the greatest of
their life's adventures
it rarely comes to mind
to carry trusted maps
of the way safe home

perhaps it's that they
cannot ever know where
that home might prove to be
or it seems more likely
if they knew what lay in store
on those exotic shores
they might not ever venture
beyond their own front doors

Scatter my ashes

Please.

Before i die,
scatter my ashes
to the endless sky.

I was never the man
you thought I was,
nor ever shall I be.

Please.

Before I die,
scatter my ashes
to the endless sky.

So you will have
known me
when I'm here no more.

delicious tears

tragedy ripped through my heart today
like the razor claws of a savage beast
delicious tears bled from the wound

on the fence

that fence you like to sit on
in the end is like a razor
if you choose to stay there
it will split you right in two

two masters

serve two masters ?
can't be done
never has
never will

trappings of the world
are just that....
trappings !

once in....
very difficult to get out

first....
one must choose
to know the difference

why ?
why bother ?

two masters ?
what does this mean ?

all good questions
indeed

to be in the world
but not of it

to render unto caesar
that which is due caesar

to render unto god
that which is due god

to choose
to know the difference

this is the trick
this is the trouble
this is the human dilemma

why suffer ?
why suffer needlessly ?

as it's said
you can't take it with you

wherever it is you're going ?
who knows ?

no-one escapes
no-one is exempt

to choose or not to choose
this is the question

to not choose
is to die
slowly
a living death

to choose is to live
whatever one's choice may be

abuse

i turned to someone today
for an objective ear
in a confidential arrangement
bad choice
i had forgotten that this person is incapable of such a thing
we had played out this melodrama before
didn't take long until i was reminded
my long-time mentor is away for a while
this other person presents as a mentor
he is not qualified
he didn't seem to understand the need to remain neutral
he took a lot of what i said personally
not to him though
in regards to other folks he knew
who were not present
i was not allowed to finish what i set out to say
i instead was being drawn into a heated debate
been there and done that
ad nauseum
i chose to get up and say these words
i will not debate with you
i am leaving
goodbye
he complained
why are you leaving ?
i said
i'm not here to baby-sit your feelings
which are yours and not caused by me
i am a free agent and choose to do as i please
as i was leaving
feeling quite clear and self-assured
and free
i noticed the most profound look of perplexity on his face
like a puzzled frustrated dog
the moment he chose to allow his knee-jerk reactions
to cloud his objectivity
he became angry and defensive
then he became offensive
it seemed he felt absolutely justified in visiting me with his frustration and anger
i refused to accept it
his anger does not belong to me
his belief that he could be this way with me seemed natural enough to him
but to me....this is the seed of abuse
i chose to break that cycle with this person
he will never have my permission to express frustration in an angry way towards me
he will always have my permission to express his feelings without blaming me for them

the end ?

the beginning ?

Tribesman

There is a tribesman deep within
alert to countless subtle shifts
regarding prevailing conditions,
in the teeming forests all about.

He is the ever vigilant guardian
with inborn instincts finely honed
He knows that you are lurking near,
and there's more than one of you.

He sensed you long before you came
he is only ever these questions;
are you friend ?
are you foe ?

There is nothing you can say or do;
no signal you can show to fool him.
What he needs to know is clear,
coursing through his primal veins.

silly me !

i waded in chin held high
equipped with righteousness
and a well-honed sense
of what was true and noble

silly me !

before i knew what hit me
i lay flattened on the floor
bleeding from claw-marks
i couldn't have seen coming

silly silly me !

looking back now i see
who was lying in wait for me

the witches 3
the witches 3
they have returned
to deal with me

i should have known
they could ne'er allow
a living soul to get away
not forever anyway

silly me
oh silly silly me !

the witches 3
the witches 3
have waited oh so patiently

the witches 3
the witches 3
are chanting now with glee

bubble bubble
no toil or trouble
the kettle's all aboil
we have a special guest for tea
hee hee !

what a fool i've been
to think they had forgotten me

the witches 3
the witches 3
must make me pay
for all the netherworld to see

oh silly silly silly me !

ripples

Of course I see these things
it's all I choose to do all day
It's never personal they say;
whoever "they" are anyway ?

But this I know as true as life;
the tiniest hurt is like a pebble
causing lasting harmful ripples
throughout space and time.

If I could only know the suffering
I bring to those who've yet to be;
I might think twice or even more
about things I say or do to thee.

the principle of the thing

along the lines of
shakespeare's words
to be or not to be ?
whether tis nobler....
slings and arrows....
and so on and so forth

to speak or not ?
there's the question !

choose to go along ?
don't dare stir the pot ?
let the bullies conquer ?
i certainly do think not !

without the underlying
guiding rule of order
it seems i'd like to do
the thing i'd always choose
take the easier softer way

anything to brush aside
the sometimes painful
voice of truth and reason

my words will tell you
what i think i stand for
aahhhh....but my actions
speak entirely for themselves

all i've left to call my own
are certain sacred principles
i will not give them up for
the sake of your convenience

i will not sacrifice my truth
or the right to give it voice
to satisfy personal preference
on the part of any one of you

it may seem like splitting hairs
you can think the thing you like
but long experience tells me this

if i settle for the easier softer way
and do not set my sights beyond

i'll get what i've always gotten
on the same old merry-go-round

been there, done that, etc. and so on

you may not like the things i say
or how i choose to say them
but it's most sure i won't be silent
so as not to rock your comfy boat

sail along....sail along

Just another hurt

If you wonder why
I don't care to be around you,
it's not personal.

You've shown me
far too many times,
you're just another hurt
waiting to happen.

All your fancy words
of your noble intentions
fall like pebbles in the dust
between you and me.

It's not for lack of trying.
I have come to this conclusion;
It's best to leave you be.
You're just another hurt
waiting to happen.

leave me be

please....
leave me be !

if i want assistance
i will ask

not you though,
guaranteed....
why is that ?
simple really....

you seem invested
in managing my life's affairs

why ?

i don't know
i have no idea
i can only guess
and my guess is this....

if you're focused on me,
you're not focused on you

if you're not focused on you
you're not minding your affairs

if you're not minding your affairs,
how are you qualified
to manage anyone's affairs....
let alone mine ?

show me, please....
don't tell me !

if i wanted what you're selling
i would be first in line

i'm not though....
am i ?
have you noticed ?
obviously not

still, you're even more dogged with
what seems a compulsive obsession

i believe you don't care about me
i believe your crusade is self-serving
i believe you can't help yourself
i refuse to enable you
i refuse to comply

i understand you
more than you might imagine

your actions say more
than any well-intentioned words
could possibly convey

show me....please....
don't tell me !

and please, please, please....
leave me be !

and take that white horse
you came in on with you

it's stinkin' up the joint

please

what's the big deal ?

what's the big deal ?
what's the big deal ???????

i'll tell you what's the big deal !

everything !

well....almost everything !

hmmmmm....

pretty near almost everything !
except for some stuff......
but darn near everything else though
just about....

and then there's some other stuff too

so-o-o-o....

maybe not everything
but it's a lot......
well....maybe not quite as much as i thought
now i come to think about it
okay some stuff is sure a big deal
it really is....

everybody seems to agree
well, almost everybody....
okay, a lot of folks do

ummmm....

okay, i heard a few people talking
well, a couple then
but more than me
that's for sure
i think....

so-o-o-o-o....

what's the big deal ?

hmmmmm....

maybe not so much after all
and if i stop and really look
there isn't much that's a big deal
and if i'm really really honest
the answer to the big question

what's the big deal ?....is....

nothing !

nothing at all !

maybe, baby

yes ?
no ?
maybe so ?

don't know if it's yes just now
not sure if it's no either

so-o-o-o....

it's maybe, baby !
that's all there is to that

there ain't no room for maybe
when it's yes or no....or else !

that's a crazy-making proposition
sure to drive you straight to hell

freedom it ain't !

so when your shorts are in a knot
and you can't make up your mind
just remember these two words....

maybe, baby !
that's all there is to that

now this is freedom !

Sshhhhh

I'm here for you;
but,
I'm not really here for you.
Yes, I'm here for you
but, not really.

Sshhhhh

Don't let anyone know
I can't be here for you
I can't be here for myself
I can't let anyone know this
I must appear to be strong
I am not strong
I want to be here for you
I can't be here for you

Sshhhhh

Let this be our secret
Let's pretend
Let's never talk about it
Everyone will think all is okay;
and we'll have pretend happiness.
We'll have pretend safety
We'll be one big pretend happy family
We can all pretend to be here for each other
But, of course, not really.

Sshhhhh....

Shadow man

Here he is again;
once my worst nightmare.
There's no saying goodbye.
He's with me for the long haul.
He lives within.
He is everything and nothing.
He is the shadow man.

Just because I can't see him,
doesn't mean he's not there.
He is always with me.
He is the shadow
I sometimes choose to hide in.
He is the shadow man.
He won't let me forget him.
I can't seem to forgive him.

During calmer times,
I know his reason for being.
I accept this as a necessary truth;
without him I would not know the light.

Sometimes I feel lost in him.
Sometimes I feel trapped by him.
Sometimes I cry out in panic.
Sometimes I shudder with dread.
Sometimes I believe he is more.
than just the shadow man.
Sometimes I believe he is the man;
and what he says goes.

He is only ever this;
no more, no less.
He is the shadow man