forgive them

forgive them
yeah....right !
believe this.....i wish it were possible
i sincerely pray it would and could be possible
one flaw there
i have yet to forgive the god that let this happen
i cannot forgive
i will not forgive
i prayed to you then
i needed you then
where were you when i needed you most ?

there needs be no hell
the cruel insanity of life thus far does certainly suffice

there is no rape like soul rape
to have one's being violated to the point of madness and beyond
deliberately
with impunity and indifference
as a tactic of war
confuse the enemy !

to remember the twisted curl of a smile on his lip
and that distant feral gaze in his eyes
while he tortured us
and enjoyed it

to not know what was true....ever
to have been systematically mind-raped
to only know that how to be was not to be like him
to only know that she was there....but not really ever there
a hollow ghost of someone who ought to have cared
cared enough....to have stopped him

he did not stop....it only ever got worse

as deep as i am capable of looking within
there is no forgiveness
i believe it can never be for me to forgive
i cannot
i will not
i can only pray to this god who so forsook me and my loved ones
to help me....now
to comfort me....now
to ease this troubled mind and battered heart
to relieve me of the burden of having to forgive
i cannot
i will not
i know not how
please dear god
help me
i must be honest with you
i cannot forgive
i will not forgive
i know not how
please god
help me
please