powerless

time to stop digging for a while
one becomes cocky and over-confident
dancing at the edge of hell's gate
no mercy for the negligent and ill-prepared
by grace, i have survived this expedition
although the sly trickster man
worked hard to convince me
death would offer the solution
i acknowledge you, prince of thieves,
your patience is infinite
i am powerless over you

remember me

Remember me.

I used to be somebody,
not just any anybody,
but now I ain't nobody.
Yes, I used to be somebody
I was sure somebody to behold.

Remember me.

When you pass on by.
'cause I used to be somebody,
not just any anybody.
But now I ain't nobody.
No, I ain't nobody anymore.


courtesy....

Blind Mississippi Mo'

I am sorry

I am sorry.

My fate seemed etched in blood and stone
long before we ever met.

I am sorry.

for much that was said and things left undone
as well as crimes delivered unto me
and passed along to you and everyone.

It was never in my dream for you to suffer.
I loved you far beyond sensibility.

But this noble heart, long broken,
was never built to hold my love for you.

I am sorry.

Though i know not what could have changed;
as my fate seemed etched in blood and stone
long before we ever met.

what price freedom ?

this prison cell that holds me
is of neither bars nor stone
the keys which offer freedom
were long lost centuries ago


....work in progress....

from a lost and lonely island

to my one true first love

i am not dead
though neither am i living

i have died so many deaths
but yet not come to final rest

when we were young
our love it was forever
this we promised with sacred solemn vows

but life has since so proven
a terrible tumultuous sea
since last i left your honey bosom

i truly lived to see the day
that i might nestle there with you again

but mistress fate, she had decided
this would never come to be

some time ago i found myself
washed up along this forlorn rocky shore

fortune having spared me certain doom
as my ship was sunk and broken
in some fierce forgotten storm

this is a lost and lonely island
of this i am quite sure

my hope and prayer spoke here
through these scribbled scrawls
within this sealed and weathered bottle
long surrendered to the tides

one such as you might come to learn
your precious love was never wasted

this letter from a lost and lonely island
is testament to your love and pure devotion
that til this day does nurse my thirsty soul
with faint and slender drops of grace and hope

i am not dead
though neither am i living

i know i'll never taste again
your tears of joy and sorrow
i know that this i stole
away from thee and me
for that i am as sorry
as one could ever be

this letter from a lost and lonely island
is all i have to offer
with deepest thanks
and sweet delicious memory

the real deal

just who do i think i am ?
how dare i call any of you on anything ?

i do not trust you
any of you
your intentions are blatantly clear
your good intentions have never been enough
where have they ultimately led
for you, for me, for any of us ?

spare me your good intentions
tell me the truth if you dare
you would sacrifice me in a heartbeat
without a second thought
you and you and you
there is no doubt

i have died....and many like me
so many cruel merciless deaths by you and you and you
through your indifference and socially condoned blindness

where were any of you
while we were strapped down and tortured ?
by our very own father
in our very own home
over and over and over again
many of you knew of this
or certainly suspected
many of you could hear our cries in the night
where were any of you ?

conveniently hiding in plain sight
there in your plush surroundings
couched in front of your c.b.c. newscast
letting it all play out before your eyes
so you could say you are socially aware
so you could convince yourself you care

oh oh....turn down the sound on your HD TV....now !
hurry....you don't want to hear our screams
and the woeful sobbing once the screams exhaust themselves
you don't want to see how tiny and defenseless we have always been

hurry, change the station, you can turn our truth off just like that
why not ?
what the hell ?
as simple as that
a click of the precious almighty clicker
problem solved
next soundbite please

i know you know that i and those like me
suffer horrific torture and abuse
right here
right now
i know you know you could easily help
if only
if only what ?

perhaps there is nothing you can say or do
or is there ?
are you NOT saying or doing something when you might otherwise act or speak ?
do you know of someone ?
do you suspect ?
do you keep silent ?
if so, do you know why ?

are you one of the silent criminals ?
are your sins those of indifference and omission ?

are those who suffer trembling now in the next room ?
waiting, wondering, hoping to be spared just for tonight

forgive you ?
i don't think so
not a chance
where were you ?

it's too late for me
where are you for those who suffer still ?

this broken soul-raped being shouts now for justice
not for pity
not even for understanding
but for justice and social responsibility
not for me....but for those who still have a chance
if rescued soon enough

we are all complicit
silence serves only to perpetuate the suffering

who are we if we do not rise up and speak
for those who cannot defend themselves ?
this isn't about you....or me
but us....all of us
it is our children that suffer....now !
it is our decisions that might save them....now !

is this the legacy we wish to leave for them
one of silence, indifference, smug complacency ?

go ahead, make a liar out of me....please !

rights, privileges, obligations

no man is an island
this one in particular
if it were just up to me
i couldn't care less what you think or feel
but !
it's not just my personal concerns i represent in daily worldly affairs
i am in fact one of us
at the very least i represent my family name, team, fellow club members, community, country, nationality and the species
like it or not, accept it or not
i serve as an ambassador for those i consider allies and/or associates on any societal level
i am a citizen of this neighbourhood, town, province, country, of this world
i enjoy rights and privileges due to this inalienable truth
i am also accountable to honor the obligations inherent as a responsible citizen
ignorance of the laws and constitution regarding any of these societal levels is no excuse
if i break the traffic laws, i deserve the ticket and fine....period !

as a citizen, are there social circumstances where one ought to be exempt from accountability ?
does one ever earn the right to disregard the laws and constitution of the land ?
does one ever purchase this right to pick and choose which laws and rules to observe ?
these are sincere questions for you the reader
do you enjoy an exemption in your daily life affairs ?
if so, do you feel entitled to this "special" status ?
are there social gatherings you attend where the rights, privileges and obligations of our land do not apply in practice ?
are you comfortable with your behavior, speech and demeanor as an ambassador of whatever social gathering you represent ?

i am a proud member of A.A.
i ask my fellow members, are you comfortable with how responsibly you represent our fellowship ?
are you one of the special exemptions ?
do you feel entitled to allow your personal opinions and preferences take precedence over our time tested principles ?....just because you're little ol' you ?
are you one of those "special" alcoholics who chooses to do it "your way" rather than "the A.A. way" ?
....whether the rest of us citizens like it or not ?....or suffer or not ?

you know who you are
the truth is rumbling somewhere in your belly
some deep inner voice is telling you that change is needed
is change the reason you choose to be with us ?
why are you here anyway ?
what is it you hope to gain by choosing to perpetuate "your way" ?
do you know ?
do you care ?
sincere questions for those who dare consider them
do you understand what your rights, privileges and obligations are ?
do you understand your responsibility as an ambassador for A.A. ?
do you wish to be an ambassador for A.A. ?
do you wish to enjoy the rights and privileges....while ignoring the obligations ?
do you care ?

forgive them

forgive them
yeah....right !
believe this.....i wish it were possible
i sincerely pray it would and could be possible
one flaw there
i have yet to forgive the god that let this happen
i cannot forgive
i will not forgive
i prayed to you then
i needed you then
where were you when i needed you most ?

there needs be no hell
the cruel insanity of life thus far does certainly suffice

there is no rape like soul rape
to have one's being violated to the point of madness and beyond
deliberately
with impunity and indifference
as a tactic of war
confuse the enemy !

to remember the twisted curl of a smile on his lip
and that distant feral gaze in his eyes
while he tortured us
and enjoyed it

to not know what was true....ever
to have been systematically mind-raped
to only know that how to be was not to be like him
to only know that she was there....but not really ever there
a hollow ghost of someone who ought to have cared
cared enough....to have stopped him

he did not stop....it only ever got worse

as deep as i am capable of looking within
there is no forgiveness
i believe it can never be for me to forgive
i cannot
i will not
i can only pray to this god who so forsook me and my loved ones
to help me....now
to comfort me....now
to ease this troubled mind and battered heart
to relieve me of the burden of having to forgive
i cannot
i will not
i know not how
please dear god
help me
i must be honest with you
i cannot forgive
i will not forgive
i know not how
please god
help me
please

the indifferent ones

it's you that i resent and bitterly despise
you know exactly who and what you are

you left me to die back there
again and again and again

i cannot nor will not e'er forgive
the choices that you failed to make

your promise was so promising
your vow so pure and noble

but when it came time for you
to speak or act, or anything at all

you turned away to busy yourself
with some convenient distraction

i died too many torturous deaths
while your eyes and ears were shut

i cannot nor will not e'er forgive
the choices that you failed to make

your silent crime was worse than murder
i could at least see and feel those telling blows

your mortal sin is yours to deal with
with a god i hope and pray you know

it's you and you and yes, especially you
who bear the guilt and shame of this

i cannot nor will not e'er forgive
the choices that you failed to make

it's not personal

this bitter raging war was never personal
it has always been tween me and the
nefarious prince of thieves himself

what's the point in pointing fingers
as the battle waged is an internal one
stoked by forces that have no name

if you take offense at what i do or say
please remember one all important truth
this bitter raging war was never personal

though you may wish to strike me dead
for the woe i've wrought on you and yours
i could not and would not ever blame you

if i could have laid this sword and shield
to the bloodied ground in sweet surrender
god knows i would have if i but could have

mummy's little angel

my keen animal sense can easily sniff you out
hiding there behind your mother's ample skirts
even in your precious preferred cowardice
that spite you wield does slice so wide and deep
and your malice burns like acid through my soul

i know your primal belly aches to scream and howl
while ripping flesh and spilling blood and guts
to show the rest of us your furious raging ire

but your mummy dearest won't e'er allow it so
so you hum and haw and priss and futz about
until the time our backs are turned away, and then
those well honed claws and fangs come into play

when the fuss and dust has cleared and settled
with bloody gore and carnage strewn all about
you're again well hidden hind your mother's skirts
looking oh so meek and blameless for everyone to see

"goodness gracious, how could it have been me ?" say you
"mummy dearest wouldn't have it, don't you see ?"

the precious goal

this once free and open window to your soul
by fate is now forever closed and barred
from here you're bound to look within
for what you seek and hope to find

this guileless lamb's pure heart of love
so sacrificed upon truth's bloody altar
has now bled out onto your barren soil

you cannot know the price that has been paid
for you to witness what was shed for thee

the last sweet holy drop of my life's blood
so drained beneath your world weary feet
is but a prayer that from the earth you trod on
may spring a healing bloom that you shall eat

i will gladly die for thee
and have done so many times before
but i can never ever lie for thee
if this is what you wish, you are mistaken

the path is but a simple one
which can only ever lead to home
though i know not what the truth might be
it's the lie that truly guides me towards the precious goal