writing on the wall

i knew for some time the writing was on the wall
i just wasn't ready, willing or able to read it....

yet !

Ancient tears

The glacier where my heart once beat
now melts into an endless flowing river.
These grateful eyes release ancient tears
to seek home again with holy mother sea.

joker's wild

some time ago
i made my way
down to the crossroads
to try my lucky hand
at the devil's gaming table

at first i held my own
with what was being dealt
i was so damn cock-sure
i'd covered all the angles

i knew full well
the nature of the game
i knew full well
the nature of the dealer

it's what i didn't know
that proved to seal my fate
i found out far too late
the game that i was playing
was the specialty of the house

a little number called....

joker's wild !

Timeless gift

My heart was touched this day
in such a deep and tender way,
by someone I can never know;
a simple soul long passed away.

houses of cards

i recently visited a kingdom
built entirely of houses of cards

with the persnickity queen of clubs
perched high on her rickety throne

the poor old sodden king of spades
lay drunk and passed out neath the table

while the slick sly knave of diamonds
was all jacked up to make his play

the joker wasn't laughing much
the queen didn't think he was funny

the churchmouse was there
all a-twitch and a-twitter
nose deep in some scripture or other

no sign of the ace of hearts and her crew
the place seemed decidedly short-suited

....more to come....

thrown away words

i love you truly and always have
it seems your heart just cannot hear this

if you throw away these words
i pray you remember the space between them
as this is where my infinite love abides

Are you the one ?

Are you the one ?

I see you hustling rustling 'round,
whispering here and there;
something slick and sneaky in the air.

Are you the one ?

The one who comes for me.
The one who will not rest
until your mission is complete

Are you the one ?

I can see it in the shadows
where your eyes are supposed to be;
the coldest darkest light I've ever seen

Are you the one ?

The only thing i know is this;
what you've got for me ain't coming
when I can see or hear you there.

Are you the one ?

As if I really need to ask.
I'm sure it's written in that book
you want to rant and rave about.

Are you the one ?

don't know sheet

i don't know sheet
i know this
it helps me
when i think i know sheet
i get into sheet
sometimes deep sheet

when you think you know sheet
i know you dont know sheet
you still want to impress me
with the sheet you think you know

i know this
i see this
i hear this
i smell this

whatever sheet you're slinging
it's been slung this way before

i know you don't know sheet
i know i don't know sheet
that sheet you think you know
i thought i knew that sheet before

now i know
i never did know sheet
i just thought i knew that sheet

but....

i didn't know sheet after all

some sheet you sling
is piled so high and deep
i must remember to bring hip-waders
one ought to be prepared

just cause i don't know sheet
i still know this

sheet happens !

sometimes sheet comes sideways
and all done up with a bow

so save your sheet
for those who need it
their gardens may lie fallow

even though i don't know sheet
i still do know one thing
i don't need that sheet you're flinging
as it smells way too much
like what's been flung this way before

the high road

if you aim for the low road
it's likely all you'll ever get to
if you shoot for the high road
you might just make it there

no one of us is ever perfect
you can't be blamed for trying
so if you shoot for the high road
you might just make it there

the buck stops here

to the thief in the night
it's a way to keep going
to the one who has lost
what's gone is gone forever

you stole my very life away
to satisfy some meager lust

i hardly had a chance
you didn't have a clue
it was never about me
only ever about you

you couldn't help the blindness
though you had the eyes to see
you just never chose to look beyond
your petty version of you and me

my woeful cries were piercing
but you could not hear
as your dreams of who you were
made it impossible to listen

i died a brutal death
long before this life began
who knows where or when
those wheels were set in motion ?

your blindness likely was a blessing

if you could have seen the harm you brought
to those who could not run or hide
and to further generations
who will never know why it is they suffer
what would your choice have been ?

they will bear the weight of all you've done
and be scarred by what they cannot remember

my god instructed long ago
not in words
but through much deeper
far more painful inspiration

the buck stops here !

any future generations
must not bear the wounds
that have crippled this survivor

the buck stops here !

the weight of all you've done
and of those who came before you
has been so heavy and so daunting
it almost killed me more than once

it's been worth every drop of blood and tears
shed along the steep and jagged pathway
as when i lay my head to sleep at night
i rest assured of one true thing

the buck stops here !

though i leave no child to wear this name
my legacy is this
no-one shall bear the pain and burden
of what i've had to suffer

by the grace of god alone
i am alive today to say

the buck stops here !

ancient and deadly

what lingers within me is ancient and deadly
prepared for the worst of all possible things
no matter how deeply i rest while asleep
it's forever awake, coiled and ready to strike
it seems to be from before there was time
spawned by the union of darkness and fire
what lingers within me is ancient and deadly
without which i'd not have survived until now

breaking the cycle

i've mostly forgotten the crimes and the sins
god knows i can never forgive

that violent cycle needed to be broken
it seemed to be me that was destined for this

he who's decided to further the farce
and play bully-boy til this day

he is the one that stirs a deep wrath
as i still bear the scars of one just like him

i'm told to forgive him, it's the best thing for all
if this could be done it would be finished by now

but the ghost of that ultimate bully lives on
in the guise of the next one who crosses my path

forgive him, just what does this mean ?
sit back and allow the abuse to continue ?

forgiveness must come from a far greater power
as it's truly beyond me to accomplish this task

it's clear now why we threaten each other
the buck stopped with me....and not yet for him

there's only one way foregiveness can happen
not by my will....but through god's grace alone

Old tinker's wagon

It's said God works through people.
So does the other guy,
the dark one;
the master of malice and spite.

What makes him so dangerous is this;
he believes in his own scheme of lies.

How is there anything wrong
when he's done so well by his ways ?

He travels by night in his old tinker's wagon
with miracle cures for what ails you.

He'll promise you anything,
especially the moon.
His magical tinctures from near and afar
will treat your most serious ailments.

So he says !

If truth were to be known,
which is not likely to happen;
what's in those exotic decanters
is what he's here to concoct;
the life's blood of innocent souls.

He'll con and woo you with fantastical tales
of the wonders of his mystical potions.

But;

When you wake to the light of the morn,
and you realize just what has been taken,
He'll be packed up and gone like the night
with his prize in that old tinker's wagon.

Executioner

I would know those eyes anywhere
how could one ever forget ?

I watch as you smugly recite
from that so-called holy book.

Your eyes are lacking something,
some faint glint of hope or life.

I remember well those cold snake eyes.
That hood you wore hid nothing

I will know you til the end of time;
as it was you who barked the signal.

It was you who fit the hangman's noose;
and it was you that hauled the lever.

You may think that I am safely gone,
but this timeless soul still lingers.

I would know those eyes anywhere.
It is certain I shall never forget.

stone by stone

i'm locked inside a prison cell
in some long forgotten dungeon
walls and bars comprised of
your collective indifference

for all your heady talk of love
there can never be a reprieve
someone has to pay the price
for all the freedoms you enjoy

you will not ever speak of it
and likely never think of it
but that cozy family hearth upon
which you've built your home
is stone by stone constructed
with sweat, blood and tears
of sacrificial beasts like me

the foundations of your empire
rest upon the ash and bones of
those who were the least of us
the nameless faceless captives
of your endless greedy dreams

to listen

on my daily walk to town and back,
i often stop for a rest at a hearing-aid outlet along the way
of course, they provide a client seating area
the receptionist is friendly and courteous
it's just about the right point in the journey to sit for a few minutes
and....
there's a bowl of complimentary candies at the counter
for those of us in our second, third (or more) childhood

today i observed an elderly fellow accompanied by his wife
it seemed the man was there to attend to his hearing problem
his wife was trying her best to relate to him the information offered by the receptionist
i could clearly hear what was being said
his wife could clearly hear what was being said
his wife was repeating the exact message from the receptionist

he just didn't want to listen !

not only did he have trouble with his hearing
he also seemed to have a big-time listening problem !

sanyasi

karmic wheel
full circle

unending
carnival ride ?
seemed so
not long ago

window of
opportunity
step aside
off the ride

no price to pay
already paid

what now ?
where ?
with whom ?
why ?
more like why not ?

sanyasi ?

with no-one
with everyone

have nothing
have everything

karmic wheel
full circle

off the ride

sanyasi


                            note....

sanyasi....term used in india to describe one's choice to renounce worldly affairs....
such as becoming a monk or nun in western cultures

Fair weather or foul

Foul weather today.
No friends about.

hmmmm ?

What does this say about me ?
about my friends ?
about the weather ?

As it turns out;
as much or as little as
I choose to make of it.

Who can i turn to
fair weather or foul ?
A good question indeed.

pray for them

pray for he that seems so certain
it is you that causes him to suffer

pray for the poor wretched gollum
who is bound to life in the shadows

pray for the smug indifferent souls
for they can never know conviction

pray for the ones that have hurt you
they lash out due to their own pain

pray for those who know the truth
though prefer to turn a blinded eye

pray for them

pray for us

all roads lead home

the old priest gazes out upon his flock
each head bowed before the sacred altar

a scarred and broken-bodied warrior
seeking inner peace and final absolution

an elderly wealthy man of commerce
with hopes he'll buy his way to paradise

an anxious scholar who looks for answers
to questions he seems unable to conceive

a mother praying for her hungry children
husband passed away of too much drink

and a road-weary wandering mendicant
who can no longer bear the pilgrim's trail

as the old priest blesses his congregation
he reflects upon one simple timeless truth

no matter how far or wide one ventures
all roads in the end lead back to home

fallen pilgrim

a moment now for a fallen pilgrim
whom i came to know too briefly
when last he stopped to rest awhile

may sweet holy mother of the desert
embrace him to her timeless bosom
and soothe him to his perfect peace

hungry eyes

i am that scruffy urchin
trembling in the winter chill
hungry eyes as wide
as your fancy dinner plate
staring with an empty longing
through the restaurant window
as you settle down in comfort
to enjoy your sumptuous feast

i know you know i'm here
as i caught your furtive glance
but something deep as marrow
tells us all we need to know

there is an ancient rule of order
that has forever served to separate
the likes of thee from the likes of me
hard and fast as that window's glass
and just as near impossible to see

no mercy

it's said the family is like an army
there is no mercy for it's deserters

Legacy

If I wish to be aware of
the legacy of our fathers
no need for looking back
it is here now to be seen.

I've long been entranced by
misty shadows of the past;
and imaginary notions of what
I think of as the future.

Since the beginnings of time
before words were ever spoken
the legacy of the ancient ones
was passed down without fail.

So many layers of hypnotic veils;
so few of them are my creation.
I wonder if I have ever caught
a glimpse of what is truly so.

I pray I come to learn to see
the vision that is meant for me.

please help me

no words of wisdom
no clever rhymes
not this day
something heavy
weighs me down

it seems to be
that mysterious thing
which has always stood
tween me and thee

i have thus far chosen
to grin and bear it
as my personal cross

just for today
i wish to set it down

please help me

i feel so tired and weary
of this solitary burden
it seems too daunting
to carry on alone

will you share this load with me
on this steep and rocky path ?

it seems quite certain today
i cannot go on without you

please help me

there is no doubt within
i would do the same for thee

if you were but to ask
and say these words to me

please help me

true and rightful fate

i accept this lifelong sentence
as my true and rightful fate
it came down to a simple choice
to lay myself before the mercy
of the one who gave me life

....more to come....

the village well

i come to the village well today
though without a need to drink

my worldly thirst now quenched
with home and hearth supplied

i am here to fill a deeper vessel
with what your hearts pour out

resurrection

How will you be reborn
if you do not choose the death
that is written in your destiny ?
You must be the one;
no-one can do this for you.
You cannot know the freedom
of blessed resurrection,
if you do not die the death
that awaits you on this day.

sacrificial altar

Do I think these are just words ?
My mission is nothing less than
to rip this ancient rusted armor
from my huddled coward's form;
to claw away at my conventions,
to savage my guts and scatter them
on the blood-soaked stony floor;
to awaken from my slumber.

These weapons that serve as words.
these surgical instruments with no life,
but to slice my fearful visage away.

My heart cannot be touched
if it's not laid upon the sacrificial altar.
It must be me that chooses this.
It is what I'm here to do

If I choose to slink away
to avoid my destiny,
the altar will be here.
Only my blood will suffice.
Only my heart torn
from it's reluctant breast;
still pumping,
still bleeding out.
Only my heart will suffice.

Do I think these are just words ?
they are the instruments of my salvation.
It must be me that chooses
to lay my heart upon the altar.
No-one else can do this for me.

close that book

close that book
now look within
go smaller
now even smaller
to the point of
the beginning of it all

now go smaller still
what do you see ?
how does it feel ?
no words apply
this is the point
before even sound
this is where it all comes from
the beginning and the end
this is what you are
before the need for who

close that book
save it though
pass it on to one
before he comprehends
the need to
close that book
and look within
to the point of
the beginning of it all

to my imaginary friend

hello
how do you do ?
what a silly thing to say
how do you do what ?
and when ?
and why ?
oh well
nice to meet you
i think
of course i don't know anything about you
since we haven't met
so the nice part of meeting you
could be very short in duration
it could be so very un-nice so very soon
oh well
hello
i like that greeting
not pretentious
or smarmy
or oh so very continental
or pretend spiritual
or tropical
how are you ?
i don't really care....yet
i might
might not
who knows ?
i need a friend
i think
why ?
i ask myself
do i not have someone to call a friend
no
yes
maybe
i don't know
those i know who i consider friends
well
okay
so maybe a friend is not what i mean
perhaps trusted confidant is the appropriate term
someone
who will listen with an open mind and heart
who does not feel it necessary to offer wisdom
the right answer
helpful advise
what i should think, feel, say or do
someone who will just listen
and let me speak til i feel better
sometimes
not often
but when i need someone to listen
i want that someone
to have a sincere willingness to be present
is this a friend ?
i don't know
i am writing to my imaginary friend
are you out there ?
or are you residing within my being ?
hmmmmmm?
good question

spider's web 2

the world is like a cunning spider's silken web
spun to lure you in with it's seductive charms

truth-seeker

trust the one who seeks the truth
doubt the one who says he's found it

dead end road

i found myself again hurtling down
some aimless nameless highway
on yet another urgent expedition
towards that elusive greener pasture
looming there just beyond the bend
not knowing which way i would turn
at the next crossroads down the line

without fail a voice would speak
just before the crucial moment
of hell or heaven i did not know
and then the choice was made
as if it had been scripted all along

i could not ever comprehend
the what and why and wherefore
all i knew for sure was i believed
i must keep moving....or i would die !

those hell-hounds nipping at my heels
were all the motivation that was needed
to keep me running on that dead-end road
neither here nor there but forever in-between

all i ever wanted

i am blinded by the things i've never told you
and crippled by the sense i still can never dare
to express what has been buried for so long

as i voiced when you could no longer hear me
with trembling palm upon your ice cold cheek
dear father, all i ever wanted was to love you
these simple words i felt never free to speak

yet another version

it seems for endless lifetimes
i've been trapped behind
yet another version of
what i want to think i know
i was so sure i loved you
until the very end of time
but it wasn't you i loved
as i knew you not at all
in fact it wasn't even love
but just another version of
what i want to think i know

my father's child

i have wandered through the desert
and withdrawn to mountain heights
anywhere i might escape the torment
of believing that i'd been forsaken

but since this heart has rediscovered
i have always been my father's child
i rest at peace when the day is done
and awaken now to a hopeful dawn

light of truth

how dare i bare my soul to thee ?
and challenge all that you believe

i share from deep within my being
as if my father speaks through me

i see my words of love and mercy
seem to scald your flesh like acid

it's clear you stir to marshal forces
to contend with someone such as me

there is now no further choice for me
the light of truth reveals my destiny

approval

I seem to be hard-wired
to seek out your approval,
and live in secret dread
that you'd disapprove of me.

I know where this began
in those early family days.
Signs of love were absent
so approval took it's place.

Even that was hard to gain,
sometimes quite impossible.
Disapproval was my game;
better than nothing at all.

prayers of thanks

many prayers of thanks
for those who demonstrate
how i must not choose to be

the history of our world
plays out each passing day
before these guileless eyes

you who proudly boast
to have acquired humility
as if it were a posh diploma
displayed above your mantle

i watch your moving lips as
you articulate well-chosen phrases
and trust that you believe in
what you say when you say it

but i also watch those lips
while you're not the central focus
there's a smug and spiteful sneer
curled there at their corners
when that someone you despise
dares speak such awful things
you cannot bear to hear

this tells me more than any
pious well-intentioned words
you could possibly express

though your lips and words do match
like some flim-flam carny act
it's your deeds that do the talking
and i ain't buying what you're selling

many prayers of thanks
for those who demonstrate
how i must not choose to be

ghosts and demons 2

those fearsome ghosts and demons
that chased me down too many
endless nameless highways
have now revealed themselves
for what they've always been

figmentary apparitions which
then i could not dare to face

if it weren't for death's long shadow
looming round that hairpin bend
along some lonely dusty backroad
on yet another hell-bent road-trip

no doubt i would be running still !

more to come....

between the lines

what you seek with such fervent zeal
as you scour those texts and scriptures
is greater than the written word can ever be

for all the knowledge of all the worlds
amounts to lifeless markings in the sand
before the mighty sweep of time and tide

life's priceless secret lies within your grasp
plain to see for all who cease to look for it
if you were only just to read between the lines

holy mother

holy mother of us all
where have you been so long?

i am the arid desert wasteland
i am the thirst that harshly cries
through cracked and blistered lips

come to me
come to me now

i must drink
from your life-giving breast
or i fear that i shall die

you have blessed me with your
drops of sweet and precious tears
that have sustained me til this hour

yet it seems i have been cursed
with a faulty leaking flask

holy mother of us all
where are you now ?

come to me
come to me now

hole in the bucket

my bucket had a hole in it
i kept trying to fill it
the more i tried
the more ended up down the drain

it wasn't for lack of what was needed
to fill the darn bucket
that it wasn't getting full

of that there was an abundance
which had been there all along

the bucket had a hole in it !

whatever was i to do ?

one day a wise man suggested
fix the darn bucket !
eureka ! i cried
the man was a genius

i determined to take myself
to the place i had discovered
that specialized in fixing buckets

it turns out it's not a one-man affair
these darn buckets cannot be fixed alone
one needs more than two hands

so-o-o-o - o - o  -  o

now my bucket is fixed
and that which was needed to fill it
still in abundance
as it always had been
has accumulated

one drop at a time !

one day at a time !

until such time as
it became full enough for me to drink heartily

before long it became full enough to attend to
daily cooking and cleansing needs

then it became full enough to share with my fellows
and still retain enough for personal use

and then....
one miraculous day....
my bucket runneth over !

now there's plenty of what was needed
which was in abundance already
for everyone and all !

hallelujah !

amen

new day dawning

what certainly seemed a permanent closure
now reveals as a broad limitless highway
and the remains of the discarded shell
of that most recent fictitious persona
which i had donned as a cloaking device
belongs buried in some aluminum graveyard
for officially designated irrelevant records
filed under "for further reference" only

darkest of seas

I've sailed and bathed
in the darkest of seas
my fate took me there
I learned what was needed
to survive in those waters
to make it back home to you.

end of an era

ominous jangle
damned phone
don't answer it !
it will ring out
....eventually !

felt quite content
needing to rest
don't answer it !
oh well okay then

hello who is it ?
aah jeez my heart
the call before
the final goodbye

i knew it was coming
i am not prepared
how does one
do that for this ?

i am falling
too fast
too far
too long

please let there be a bottom
to this eternal descent

it's not dark
nor is it light
not even grey
but a lifeless
colorless shade of
worse than nothing

why is not the question
....never was !

but how long ?

til i meet that bottom
and it meets me

that infinite instant
that damned phone
that decision

the width and breadth
of all this means
is slighter than
that proverbial razor's edge
but slices cold and deep
as any razor might

the end of an era
is now at hand

i have become the formality
the file will close on me

an imaginary line
will now divide
the reality of
thee and me

defined by official words
scrawled upon some lifeless page
enclosed within a cardboard folder
placed in alphabetical order of course
buried deep within some aluminum graveyard

filed under "for further reference" only

the end of an era
is now at hand

the file will close on me

imaginary temple

beware the fiery wrath of
he who has assigned himself
the holy role of duty-bound protector
of the imaginary temple he's created
so to fortify his righteous notions of
what must seem clearly evident to all....
his divinely-anointed reason for being

hallelujah
don't you know ?



more to come....

Nothing at all

The cycle must be broken;
which proves a difficult task.
It's easy to disguise one's fear
by proclaiming "Let it be !"

It's said that evil flourishes
when good folks say nothing.

Nothing at all 

Let it be ?
I don't think so;
not a chance in heaven.


That's what happened
when I was young.
Evil did flourish.
Good folks said nothing.

Nothing at all.

This voice
prays only this;
to be available
as a channel
for the message
of that one
who is all-knowing.

That what is uttered
is not of me,
for me,
or about me.

That if someone
who is unable
to speak for themself,
this voice may be graced
by what's called to be spoken.

So I am not the one
who just stood by
and said nothing.

Nothing at all.

absolute surrender

i bring myself before you
knowing only i am dying
whatever healing needed
it's sure i cannot do alone


more to follow....

Man in the mirror

He who abides behind the mirror
depends upon his counterpart
for the stuff of his existence.
He must connive and scheme
to fascinate and captivate his prey.

He is the cunning predator.
He must feed upon the vanity
of the object of his desire,
to fuel his hope and dream
that he might gain release
from his figmentary prison.

He does not exist;
Yet he is always there;
like the carnival marionette
asleep in his battered trunk,
who only dances into life
when the master plies the strings;
and the roaring audience is
primed for the big show.

The lights go on
The music trumpets
Ta-ta-dahhh !
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls,
children of all ages,
now for your wonderment;
the man who is not there !

He doesn't even lie in wait;
it's not patience that's his tack.
He is nothing.
He is no-one.
Yet each and every time,
he succeeds with his illusion;
a performance so convincing
you believe he's real as you.

It's nothing personal.
He seeks to capture your attention,
and dazzle you with his skills.
He has so many magic tricks.
He is the smoke behind the mirror.

His mission is a simple one,
to persuade you of one thing.
You'd be so much better off
if you should trade domains,
only for an hour or two;
with his solemn oath of honor
that when the moment did arrive
he would be sure and willing
to return from whence he came.

So take great care and caution
when you gaze into that mirror.
That fine fellow smiling back at you,
that you trust with all your heart,
wishes only this of you;
that you take him on his offer
so that he may win your soul.

Then it shall be you who's trapped
behind that looking glass.

place in heaven

i've reserved a place in heaven
and it's all paid up in full
procured upon the payment plan

each and every sunday without fail
i placed a little extra in the basket
so that i and all my chosen ones
should have first class digs in the sky


more to come....

Call of silence

The clutching claws
and voracious jaws
of worldly machinations,
won't let me exit quietly
without a price to pay.

I hear the call of silence
like a thousand banshees
screaming in my brain.

Come to me.
Come to me now.
I am the one that offers solace.
In me you shall find peace.

No longer does the hustle
or the clamor hypnotize me,
so to become entangled
in that tricky sticky web.

Out here on the edge,
just beyond the city limits,
the flicker and the glitter
and perpetual sussing hum
still captivates my fancy.

So I linger on the fringe,
neither here nor there,
just waiting, only waiting,
for what, I don't have a clue.

I'm still not yet convinced
that this piercing silence,
which beckons from
some primal wilderness,
will not crush me neath
an endless emptiness.

dinosaur

old dinosaurs never die
they just become extinct and fossilize

old hypocrite

the old hypocrite rejoices
in the privilege of his age
no longer must he play-act
for all the world to hear and see
he can drop the phoney mask
and just spit it out like he sees it

all that vitriol and bitter bile
that he's swallowed up for aeons
he's now free to hurl and spew
but if one cares to pay a visit
one must surely bring a wet-wipe
and a hefty paper-towel or two


more to come....

Untouchable

No mercy for the untouchable.
Everyone knows this is so.
We espouse the highest principles
for all the world to see and hear

Except for he that's least of us
who is here to serve us all
in a way that only he can do.

He was born to be the bearer of
our shame, guilt and crimes,
especially our countless sins.

He must accept the bitter bite
of our officially sanctioned lash.
It is written in the scriptures
and been so throughout time.

Forgiveness is beyond our ken,
due to what we fear might follow.

It is never about forgiveness;
that's entirely beside the point.

He must die !
Pure and simple;
as he is the chosen one.

And he shall die !
For all the world to see.

For our shame, guilt and crimes,
especially our countless sins.

Just you wait and see.

the mountain-top

it seems the most efficient way
to reach the mountain top
is through the desert wasteland
it's only there that one might learn

all water is truly holy
and all men are as one.

writing on the wall

the writing's on the wall, boy
you just can't read it yet

you think we're gonna stand on by
while you make us look so bad ?
the plan is in the works, boy
you just don't know it yet

the hammers they are pounding
as the hangman's scaffold rises
you just can't hear them yet

the writing's on the wall, boy
you just can't read it yet

My dream for you

I dare not answer you in kind.

That willow rod you wielded
succeeded in slicing through
to this heart's tender core.

I dare not answer you in kind.

I'd fulfill your dream for me
as all your sensibility commands
I dance to the tune you play

I dare not answer you in kind.

I'd fulfil my dream for you
as all my sensibility demands
retribution for your crimes.

I dare not answer you in kind.

by dying at your hands

i have come to love you
by dying at your hands
i couldn't have forgiven you
had you not murdered me.

i would have never seen
beyond my bitter blinded eyes
had you just left me there to die

but you were there when i awoke
as from a dream of cold-white terror

you were there in that dark doorway
to let me know we'd e'er be bound
by a contract sealed in buried dread
only undone through my surrender

by god's grace
i could never answer you in kind
though many times i wished it so

i have come to love you
by dying at your hands
and though you murdered me in rage

i forgive you

and so commit you
to your everlasting rest

critical malady

if you wish to know the nature
of the critical malady called life
place all your focus here and now
upon the one you choose to hate
all those worldly words of wisdom
will dissipate and melt away
within that blazing spiteful rage
and all your hopes of lasting peace
shall be adrift within the smokey haze

dare to speak

I'm here to force each moment to it's crisis point.
Not just for me, but all those I encounter.
When I just let the scene play out,
I'm stuck in some murky shade of grey.

The patterns of abuse are etched in stone.
Why can't I leave these harmful things alone ?
"Just let it be !" is what I'm told.

I ask my God what must I do
the answer is this;
Dare to live !
Dare to feel !
Dare to dream !
Dare to speak what must see change !

Bone and ashes

You think you know me;
that figment dancing in your mind's eye.
You think you understand me;
that puppet dangling from imaginary strings.
You believe you know what's best for me;
as though you could see inside my soul.

I am that one which in the end
feeds upon your flesh and marrow,
when your faerie tale has ended;
when the legend of yourself
has come to mud and dust,
and all that's left is all that's been;
bone and ashes and endless time.

Another magic tale will call for telling.
Another kingdom born to rise and fall.
And the heroes and the villains,
with all those damsels in distress,
will utter pithy lines of verse.
As though what they cry and chant
were somehow real and more than just
bone and ashes and endless time.

no way out

Not a poem

I hurt;

like a Frankenstein monster.

Iron fist
Unrelenting
Squeezing my heart

The campaign has begun
the villagers gather as I speak
it's only a matter of moments now
they are coming
nowhere to run or hide
heart pounding
panic
taste of blood and rust in my throat

i must make my peace

certainly not with them
it is too late for that
but with my maker

the Frankenstein monster cries;
"Who are you that has made me thus ?"

to the villagers
I am but but rags and bone;
without heart or soul.
it's easier that way,
for what must be done.

no way out

they are here
they are closing in

it is done

It's not personal

A stroke of the almighty pen,
and the execution is complete.
no need to wash your hands,
see my face or know my name.
I am that one who's least of us,
who must suffer for your sins,

It is written in the scriptures,
drenched and sealed in blood.
Some poor unlucky soul must
be sacrificed upon your cross
to relieve you of your guilt.

only ever thee

my garments have
been stripped away
along with any hope
of tender mercy
these feet made bare
and sorely bleeding
it's time again to bear
your earthly burden
clearly still you know
not what you do.

if it is for me to suffer
neath your bitter scorn
i gladly do so with the
blessing of our father

I pray you come to see
it can only ever be
it's not me you see
upon this bloody crucifix
but only ever thee

Child of the desert

I am a child of the endless desert.
This arid heart has long endured
the coldest, blackest of her nights,
and lay buried dormant through
the cruelest of her searing days.
Yet she is the holiest of mothers;
to her I owe the breath of life.

Heaven's rain

your unexpected
words of kindness
fell upon this
desert dweller's
withered heart
like healing drops
of heaven's rain

Best intentions

A well-intentioned man
assaulted me today with
unwanted words of scripture,
that burned through me like acid
and left me wallowing in shame

I didn't even get his name.

I must always remember this;
despite the best of intentions,
my words may lead the other
straight back to hell again.

Where would that leave me ?

two dogs

there are two dogs
who reside inside
one's called jekyll
the other named hyde

woof woof


more to come....

bleeding beacon

He has been anointed as
the keeper of the holy word.
Surely it's this sacred duty
which propels him ever on.
It's become so clear to him
that we simple common folk
would be lost without him.

It is written in the scriptures
one like him shall so descend
to travail and walk among us,
as a bleeding beacon for us all.

no place to hide

if i could steal
you out of time
there would be
no place to hide

i would then finish
what was started
when you left
me there to die

it's not vengeance
which i seek
nor retribution
for your crimes

but to embrace you
with forgiveness
if i could steal
you out of time

except for he

he stands before you naked
though fully clothed
hiding behind himself
the truth for all to see
except, of course, for he

"frankly, i don't give a damn !"
he lies, as honest as could be

it seems so clear to me
he cares too much for thee
he just can't let you see

he hides behind himself
the truth for all to see
except, of course, for he

sailor's ditty

well, i'm a sea-worn sailor
come all the way back from hell
been around the block
and around the world
with many a tale to tell

skadee kadiddly doodly dee
skadiddly doodly dum
skadee kadiddly doodly dee
skadiddly doodly dum

Bloody old cross

You left me to die
on this bloody old cross.
You thought you were done with me then.
Damned if I haven't arisen again;
though not with a vengeance,
but limitless love for you.

Ain't it a shame ?

Ain't it a shame ?

Head hung bowed,
eyes to the ground,
throat seized iron-tight,
barely able to breathe,
world all a-whirl,
aquiver with shame.
Try as I might,
voice unable to cry
or to speak.

Ain't it a shame ?

her majesty decrees

the queen decked out
in her regal attire
glared haughtily down
her aquiline snout
at the spot on the floor
where i dared to be
with egg on my chin
or my fly was undone
or so i presumed
from her blatant disdain


surely more to follow....

name of the game

You can't be blamed
for your arrogant pride,
nor prejudicial spite,
so many centuries bred.

That imperious urge 
to establish your rank
cares little or nothing
of collateral damage.

The slice of your blade
was so silent and swift as
you glided so gracefully by

But the blood that was let
accomplished your mission;
I lay here to bleed out and die.

long live the king

the weary old ruler bristled with contempt
as the new man arrived and settled into his seat
he knew not what it was that disturbed him so
it seemed deeper than anything he could know

his reign of pomp and glory was coming to it's end
and this young upstart was bound to take his place
still some primal gut-felt tribal instinct shuddered 
at the sight and smell of this pretender to his throne


more to come.... 

sacred scroll

i am the bearer
of the ancient sacred scroll
upon which your destiny is written

i come not cloaked
in sacramental robes
if this were so
you would ne'er encounter me

there is but one way
you might learn to know me
through the open windows
of these tear-filled loving eyes

i'll not fill your mind with scripture
nor consecrate your worldly deeds
as i speak not in the language
of your everyday affairs

i am not here to teach you
nor save you from yourselves
all that i can ever do
is to love you without end

i am the bearer
of the ancient sacred scroll
upon which your destiny is written

can you see me in the bustling crowd ?
can you hear my lover's song
as it echoes in the evening breeze ?
do you know me as you gaze
into the newborn baby's eyes ?

i have always been here for you
with this timeless love and mercy
and have waited very patiently
for you to turn your heart towards me

i will never fail you
nor have i ever left your side

i am the bearer
of the ancient sacred scroll
upon which your destiny is written

my love for thee

my love for thee
lies hidden neath this
ancient war-worn armor

this weary soul cries out
for deep surrender
yet a burning primal fury
screams out for blood

all ye holy sages
of the ages
i humbly pray
that these eyes so blind
with prejudice and pride
might be cleansed
through your blessed tears

so that the raging war
within this battered breast
may come to know
a final lasting peace

and my love for thee
will be all there is to see

amen

to fly so high

today
i met an angel
wings resplendent
in the noonday sun
quivering with
urgent anticipation
to fly so high
so very high
beyond the very sky


more to follow....

faerie queen

some say she is a madwoman
most times i ken not what she utters
there are those magic moments though
as i gaze into brilliant coral-sea eyes
that her pure and vital heart sings out
of untold aeons of faerie queens
with nobility and grace known only
to the mystic spirits of the forest deep

sacred rendezvous

the holy moon and ice-white morning star
whispers sweet and silently to me
as i stroll along the dewy dawn-lit pathway
towards my sacred rendezvous with thee

the outsider

he has never known a choice
for life has only ever shown
a feral creature's random chance
at scraps and sacred offerings
found just beyond the outer edge
of that mysterious fearsome realm
where dwells the safely huddled pack

return of the gollum

the gollum has returned again
after one more hopeless venture
into the bitter hollow depths
of that place beneath the earth
which has forever been his haunt
but he can never call his home

for our wretched gollum
home is not an option
it is far too late for that
with his destiny now scrawled
upon the blood-stained walls
somewhere deep within his cave

at some long past fatal moment
he had surrendered up his hope
and exchanged it for a burning lust
to acquire his precious gleaming ring
then all would be put right again
his soul a paltry price to pay for him

thief in the night

he cannot serve thee
it is not within him
as he stands before you
hiding in plain sight
adorned with his finest attire

he takes all that you offer
trembling with lustful desire
behind his clever mask of grace

he is so greedy
for your everything
he smiles at all the right moments
performing his perfect lover's role
so to become filled with your sweet essence

you do not know his charade

or perhaps you have known all along
and have not wished to spoil his dream

like a sneak thief in the night
he has been taking, taking, taking
what you've always given freely
in full light of day

it could well be so
that his delicious prize,
your pure and lovely innocence,
was never stolen after all

but given freely
in full light of day

holy water

for the desert dweller
all water is holy

for the sailor lost at sea
all ground is consecrated

for the disenfranchised
all men are as one

slice and dice

you wield that pen
like a back-alley razor
as you slice and dice
your way through
those executive files

i lie bleeding out
here alone in the gutter
as you hurry on home
to your microwaved supper
cursing the fools on the road

why should you care ?
all i ever meant to you
was a few dotted ' i ' s,
yet another double-crossed ' t '
and a means to your cushy end

i lie bleeding out
just out of range of your sight
no need for you to worry or fret
as there's plenty to guzzle and pop
for comfort throughout the harsh night

you charm and you smarm
your way through daily affairs
leaving a slick in your wake
as i lie here bleeding out
due to one of your clerical mistakes

straw man

straw man
where are you now ?

your cock-sure bluster
has mercifully faded
into empty wisps
of bluff and dust

straw man
where are you now ?

what seemed the heart
of a mighty beast
reveals itself as barren chaff
strewn to the fickle winds

straw man
where are you now ?

your once fearsome roar
now less than a hollow echo
serves well and true
by it's welcome absence

straw man
where are you now ?

who am i ?

who am i ?

to deny
the truth,
the light,
the way ?

who am i ?

to say that
because it seems endless night
i no longer believe in the sun ?

who am i ?

to declare that
what i hold to be so
therefore must be truth ?

it is as though
the portrait
proclaims itself the man

who am i ?

confronting nemesis

today

i met again my dead father
the skin-walker
he who stole the shell of an other
he who in the only way he knows
calls out to me for

forgiveness

absolution

love

so that he might finally rest
in blessed peace

i have never wished for him to find peace
i have never wished to set him free
i have needed him to suffer
i have needed him to pay

i did not understand his pleas for resolution
for what they were
i did not want to know

today i do know

by god's grace
i hear the truth
resonating
from deep
within my being

the peace i seek
may only come about
through granting
this long-suffering soul

forgiveness

absolution

love

blessed peace
for each of us
must then surely follow

amen








more to come....

tongue in cheek

tonight

i was visited by a living saint
he was very succinct with his intentions

thank you god
for this miracle

he offered up precious wisdom
from his holiest of divine texts
i did not even have to ask

how thoughtful
how kind and benevolent

i am still amazed that he could read my mind
and predict my words
before even i knew what i would say

amazing

a miracle

thank you god

i am so grateful for this visitation

all i have to do is stop, look and listen
these angels are here all about me
to remind me of how to proceed

he must be an anointed one
he certainly behaves as such

i am so moved
that my tongue
has become firmly planted
in my cheek

beginning of the end

time
thought not real
is getting shorter

this yearning
though not real
grows deeper
and more urgent

more to come....

skin-walker

Dear God

I am haunted by my dead father.
It seems he has stolen the shell of another,
a skin-walker;
who is my father.
The other seems to know this.
It seems he and my father are one.

Those cold snake eyes.
That malicious crooked grin.
The utter contempt.
The impression of absolute dominance;
or else !

Dear God

Please help and protect me.
I want to cringe and hide.
I feel stifled and ineffectual.
I know it is him.

I want to kill him;
my father, not the other.
My father is dead;
yet I want to kill him..

I believe I must kill him
for what he has done;
and what he may do
in the skin of this other.

A skin-walker;
who is my dead father.

He who stole my soul;
raped my mind and heart;
tortured my body,
with indifference and impunity.

My dead father
walks in the skin of the other;
who appears to know this
and seems not to care.

He is my father.
My father is him.
They are one

Only three of us know this.
Who is there to believe me ?
Who is there to care ?

Dear God, only you.

to my father who is dead

to my father
who is dead
though i see you almost every day
you are dead
i know you are dead
but you live
how can you have been born again in the shell of another?
it's as if you have stolen his skin
this i believe of you
i understand you now
i believe that you and he have conspired to accomodate each other
i have no doubt
you speak and act through him
he speaks and acts for you
what a perfect partnership
spawned in hell

Calm seas

The seas are still and calm
these lazy summer days.
Scattered battered logs
rest at ease along the beach.
But the stormy season looms;
and soon these mighty timbers,
like so many match-sticks,
will re-arrange themselves.
Until one day the waters settle,
and those logs lie still again
across the carefree shore.

i am not safe

The doctor tells me I am safe.
The preacher proclaims that love will conquer fear.
The old-timers declare no need to be afraid.
My mentor points out I shall not come to harm.
Yet I am afraid.
This fear lives inside the center of my belly;
larger than terror,
deeper than horror.
This fear is much older than me.
It has been here since before me.
It is the only thing that is true.
It is not the end I dread.
It is believing the truth I know in the center of my belly, is false.
It is believing those who seem to know more
about me than what I feel from inside the center of my belly.
These people who mean so well.
These people descended from murderer's, thieves and liars.
These people who daily sell their integrity
in the name of some future
that will never come to be.
For the sake of the children.
So they say.
So they seem to believe.

I am not safe.
When I feel safe,
I will know that I have abandoned my truth
I am right to be afraid.
Each of you know within the center of your belly.
I will be sacrificed
on some bloody altar.
Or someone like me.
Or worse, it might be you.
It is only a matter of when, where and how.
It is older and deeper than you, or me, or us.
It is older than the whale or wolf or desert creature.
It is the only truth that can be
living within the center of our bellies.
We must be as one.
We must be strong.
We must remain united.
We will do what we must.
We will cull the pack.
We must.
There is no other truth possible.
I know I am not safe.
I am right to know this.
This is the only truth that speaks to me
from inside the center of my belly.

Scattered scraps

Writing from a freeze-dried
stretch of rancid wasted time.
Nothing here but empty shells,
random shattered dreams, and
scattered scraps of useless crap.

Moth to a flame

Everything he has ever been taught
alerts him to avert that dancing flame.

What is it then that demands he must
proceed towards his certain fiery end ?

Some deep and ancient voice within
invites him to the promise of the light.

But primal lust for instant satisfaction
draws him without fail into the blaze.

The darkness

Our author has vacated the premises;
the rent being well overdue.

Nothing here but crusts of moldy bread,
something green at the back of the fridge,
the fruit-flies long abandoned the joint,
only those scuttery cockroaches remain.

The darkness finally took over.
The days had turned blacker than night

To continue was a mockery.
A shell game with no pea to play.
The cards long ago shuffled to dust.
What used to glide smoothly
became frozen with rust.
And the thing I feared most
was the clear light of day.

The darkness finally took over.
What's left is the blackest of nights.

powerless

time to stop digging for a while
one becomes cocky and over-confident
dancing at the edge of hell's gate
no mercy for the negligent and ill-prepared
by grace, i have survived this expedition
although the sly trickster man
worked hard to convince me
death would offer the solution
i acknowledge you, prince of thieves,
your patience is infinite
i am powerless over you

remember me

Remember me.

I used to be somebody,
not just any anybody,
but now I ain't nobody.
Yes, I used to be somebody
I was sure somebody to behold.

Remember me.

When you pass on by.
'cause I used to be somebody,
not just any anybody.
But now I ain't nobody.
No, I ain't nobody anymore.


courtesy....

Blind Mississippi Mo'

I am sorry

I am sorry.

My fate seemed etched in blood and stone
long before we ever met.

I am sorry.

for much that was said and things left undone
as well as crimes delivered unto me
and passed along to you and everyone.

It was never in my dream for you to suffer.
I loved you far beyond sensibility.

But this noble heart, long broken,
was never built to hold my love for you.

I am sorry.

Though i know not what could have changed;
as my fate seemed etched in blood and stone
long before we ever met.

what price freedom ?

this prison cell that holds me
is of neither bars nor stone
the keys which offer freedom
were long lost centuries ago


....work in progress....

from a lost and lonely island

to my one true first love

i am not dead
though neither am i living

i have died so many deaths
but yet not come to final rest

when we were young
our love it was forever
this we promised with sacred solemn vows

but life has since so proven
a terrible tumultuous sea
since last i left your honey bosom

i truly lived to see the day
that i might nestle there with you again

but mistress fate, she had decided
this would never come to be

some time ago i found myself
washed up along this forlorn rocky shore

fortune having spared me certain doom
as my ship was sunk and broken
in some fierce forgotten storm

this is a lost and lonely island
of this i am quite sure

my hope and prayer spoke here
through these scribbled scrawls
within this sealed and weathered bottle
long surrendered to the tides

one such as you might come to learn
your precious love was never wasted

this letter from a lost and lonely island
is testament to your love and pure devotion
that til this day does nurse my thirsty soul
with faint and slender drops of grace and hope

i am not dead
though neither am i living

i know i'll never taste again
your tears of joy and sorrow
i know that this i stole
away from thee and me
for that i am as sorry
as one could ever be

this letter from a lost and lonely island
is all i have to offer
with deepest thanks
and sweet delicious memory

the real deal

just who do i think i am ?
how dare i call any of you on anything ?

i do not trust you
any of you
your intentions are blatantly clear
your good intentions have never been enough
where have they ultimately led
for you, for me, for any of us ?

spare me your good intentions
tell me the truth if you dare
you would sacrifice me in a heartbeat
without a second thought
you and you and you
there is no doubt

i have died....and many like me
so many cruel merciless deaths by you and you and you
through your indifference and socially condoned blindness

where were any of you
while we were strapped down and tortured ?
by our very own father
in our very own home
over and over and over again
many of you knew of this
or certainly suspected
many of you could hear our cries in the night
where were any of you ?

conveniently hiding in plain sight
there in your plush surroundings
couched in front of your c.b.c. newscast
letting it all play out before your eyes
so you could say you are socially aware
so you could convince yourself you care

oh oh....turn down the sound on your HD TV....now !
hurry....you don't want to hear our screams
and the woeful sobbing once the screams exhaust themselves
you don't want to see how tiny and defenseless we have always been

hurry, change the station, you can turn our truth off just like that
why not ?
what the hell ?
as simple as that
a click of the precious almighty clicker
problem solved
next soundbite please

i know you know that i and those like me
suffer horrific torture and abuse
right here
right now
i know you know you could easily help
if only
if only what ?

perhaps there is nothing you can say or do
or is there ?
are you NOT saying or doing something when you might otherwise act or speak ?
do you know of someone ?
do you suspect ?
do you keep silent ?
if so, do you know why ?

are you one of the silent criminals ?
are your sins those of indifference and omission ?

are those who suffer trembling now in the next room ?
waiting, wondering, hoping to be spared just for tonight

forgive you ?
i don't think so
not a chance
where were you ?

it's too late for me
where are you for those who suffer still ?

this broken soul-raped being shouts now for justice
not for pity
not even for understanding
but for justice and social responsibility
not for me....but for those who still have a chance
if rescued soon enough

we are all complicit
silence serves only to perpetuate the suffering

who are we if we do not rise up and speak
for those who cannot defend themselves ?
this isn't about you....or me
but us....all of us
it is our children that suffer....now !
it is our decisions that might save them....now !

is this the legacy we wish to leave for them
one of silence, indifference, smug complacency ?

go ahead, make a liar out of me....please !

rights, privileges, obligations

no man is an island
this one in particular
if it were just up to me
i couldn't care less what you think or feel
but !
it's not just my personal concerns i represent in daily worldly affairs
i am in fact one of us
at the very least i represent my family name, team, fellow club members, community, country, nationality and the species
like it or not, accept it or not
i serve as an ambassador for those i consider allies and/or associates on any societal level
i am a citizen of this neighbourhood, town, province, country, of this world
i enjoy rights and privileges due to this inalienable truth
i am also accountable to honor the obligations inherent as a responsible citizen
ignorance of the laws and constitution regarding any of these societal levels is no excuse
if i break the traffic laws, i deserve the ticket and fine....period !

as a citizen, are there social circumstances where one ought to be exempt from accountability ?
does one ever earn the right to disregard the laws and constitution of the land ?
does one ever purchase this right to pick and choose which laws and rules to observe ?
these are sincere questions for you the reader
do you enjoy an exemption in your daily life affairs ?
if so, do you feel entitled to this "special" status ?
are there social gatherings you attend where the rights, privileges and obligations of our land do not apply in practice ?
are you comfortable with your behavior, speech and demeanor as an ambassador of whatever social gathering you represent ?

i am a proud member of A.A.
i ask my fellow members, are you comfortable with how responsibly you represent our fellowship ?
are you one of the special exemptions ?
do you feel entitled to allow your personal opinions and preferences take precedence over our time tested principles ?....just because you're little ol' you ?
are you one of those "special" alcoholics who chooses to do it "your way" rather than "the A.A. way" ?
....whether the rest of us citizens like it or not ?....or suffer or not ?

you know who you are
the truth is rumbling somewhere in your belly
some deep inner voice is telling you that change is needed
is change the reason you choose to be with us ?
why are you here anyway ?
what is it you hope to gain by choosing to perpetuate "your way" ?
do you know ?
do you care ?
sincere questions for those who dare consider them
do you understand what your rights, privileges and obligations are ?
do you understand your responsibility as an ambassador for A.A. ?
do you wish to be an ambassador for A.A. ?
do you wish to enjoy the rights and privileges....while ignoring the obligations ?
do you care ?

forgive them

forgive them
yeah....right !
believe this.....i wish it were possible
i sincerely pray it would and could be possible
one flaw there
i have yet to forgive the god that let this happen
i cannot forgive
i will not forgive
i prayed to you then
i needed you then
where were you when i needed you most ?

there needs be no hell
the cruel insanity of life thus far does certainly suffice

there is no rape like soul rape
to have one's being violated to the point of madness and beyond
deliberately
with impunity and indifference
as a tactic of war
confuse the enemy !

to remember the twisted curl of a smile on his lip
and that distant feral gaze in his eyes
while he tortured us
and enjoyed it

to not know what was true....ever
to have been systematically mind-raped
to only know that how to be was not to be like him
to only know that she was there....but not really ever there
a hollow ghost of someone who ought to have cared
cared enough....to have stopped him

he did not stop....it only ever got worse

as deep as i am capable of looking within
there is no forgiveness
i believe it can never be for me to forgive
i cannot
i will not
i can only pray to this god who so forsook me and my loved ones
to help me....now
to comfort me....now
to ease this troubled mind and battered heart
to relieve me of the burden of having to forgive
i cannot
i will not
i know not how
please dear god
help me
i must be honest with you
i cannot forgive
i will not forgive
i know not how
please god
help me
please

the indifferent ones

it's you that i resent and bitterly despise
you know exactly who and what you are

you left me to die back there
again and again and again

i cannot nor will not e'er forgive
the choices that you failed to make

your promise was so promising
your vow so pure and noble

but when it came time for you
to speak or act, or anything at all

you turned away to busy yourself
with some convenient distraction

i died too many torturous deaths
while your eyes and ears were shut

i cannot nor will not e'er forgive
the choices that you failed to make

your silent crime was worse than murder
i could at least see and feel those telling blows

your mortal sin is yours to deal with
with a god i hope and pray you know

it's you and you and yes, especially you
who bear the guilt and shame of this

i cannot nor will not e'er forgive
the choices that you failed to make

it's not personal

this bitter raging war was never personal
it has always been tween me and the
nefarious prince of thieves himself

what's the point in pointing fingers
as the battle waged is an internal one
stoked by forces that have no name

if you take offense at what i do or say
please remember one all important truth
this bitter raging war was never personal

though you may wish to strike me dead
for the woe i've wrought on you and yours
i could not and would not ever blame you

if i could have laid this sword and shield
to the bloodied ground in sweet surrender
god knows i would have if i but could have

mummy's little angel

my keen animal sense can easily sniff you out
hiding there behind your mother's ample skirts
even in your precious preferred cowardice
that spite you wield does slice so wide and deep
and your malice burns like acid through my soul

i know your primal belly aches to scream and howl
while ripping flesh and spilling blood and guts
to show the rest of us your furious raging ire

but your mummy dearest won't e'er allow it so
so you hum and haw and priss and futz about
until the time our backs are turned away, and then
those well honed claws and fangs come into play

when the fuss and dust has cleared and settled
with bloody gore and carnage strewn all about
you're again well hidden hind your mother's skirts
looking oh so meek and blameless for everyone to see

"goodness gracious, how could it have been me ?" say you
"mummy dearest wouldn't have it, don't you see ?"

the precious goal

this once free and open window to your soul
by fate is now forever closed and barred
from here you're bound to look within
for what you seek and hope to find

this guileless lamb's pure heart of love
so sacrificed upon truth's bloody altar
has now bled out onto your barren soil

you cannot know the price that has been paid
for you to witness what was shed for thee

the last sweet holy drop of my life's blood
so drained beneath your world weary feet
is but a prayer that from the earth you trod on
may spring a healing bloom that you shall eat

i will gladly die for thee
and have done so many times before
but i can never ever lie for thee
if this is what you wish, you are mistaken

the path is but a simple one
which can only ever lead to home
though i know not what the truth might be
it's the lie that truly guides me towards the precious goal







  

dashing captain dirk

here's to our dashing captain dirk
of the wild and wondrous frontiers
swashbuckling his way around and
about this known world and beyond

with plume in his cap, a butt in his yap
and that twinkle in his one good eye
there is nary an impossible mission
that he could not accomplish or claim

say hey diddly-dee diddly doodle !
sing the salts and the yobs of the sea
as they again venture off to explore
out where no man has dared go before

say hey diddly dee diddly doodle
say hey diddly doo diddly dee !

between these lines

these are not just lifeless scrawls
that skip and dance across
your smug complacent vision
but guttural howls, salacious grunts
and soul-searing screams
raging here between the lines
can you dare to look or listen
are your sheltered eyes and ears
prepared to hear and see ?
there's but one true mission for
these words here spat and splattered
upon this prehistoric wall
not to offer ease or comfort
nor further numb or blind your
precious petty suburban views
but to plead with you in earnest
that you might now awaken
so then to feel the awesome surge
of all of life and woe and death
that flows so sweet and hot and urgent
throughout your living veins
it's always been for you alone
to choose to drink of this
primordial blood-soaked truth
do you dare risk to slake
your secret feral thirst or just
settle for your tepid tea and toast

sins of the fathers

my father, you have murdered me
too many times to count
each death more cruel and ruthless than the last
i understand now why i had to perish
as my love was far too much for you to bear

i could not ever lie for you
and this would not suit your needs
if only i had found a way to lie for you
i then would not have had to die for you
there was no role for me in your unholy script

your father must have killed you many times
long before i ever came along
my fate was sealed in blood and stone
by your father's father's father
and those before who fought and strove so he and his might live

how can i blame thee who spawned this unlikely victory ?
when it was you who died a thousand brutal deaths
and so, was compelled to slay your only son endlessly
how could you know the peace i have been blessed with
one you dared not ever dream for in your days

my father, you have murdered me
oh so many times til now
and though each death more painful than the last
had i not been slain by you those myriad of times
i would have never known the healing grace of life reborn

except for you

you're always welcome here
we shall turn no-one away
our doors are always open
whatever you may do or say

except, of course, for you !

our constitution etched in stone
decrees that everyone may enter
we set aside our personal views
so those in need might find relief

except, of course, for you !

you who are neath the least of us
that dares to break our silent code
and then flaunt this in our faces....
we'll tolerate anyone without fail

except, and especially, for you !

of love and loss

buried neath these wracking sobs of love and loss
a tiny hopeful seed lies dormant
waiting for that one sweet healing drop of sorrow
to meet and kiss it's parched and withered shell


....work in progress....

clones and drones

no smiles or chuckles for you today
as you're not decked out in the proper duds
how dare you call out our sneaky racket
just who do you think you ain't ?
if you're not in tune with the party line
you don't get into the party
and if you don't get into the party
you don't get any of the cake
and if you don't get any cake
your very existence is at stake
so get with the program, laddies and lassies
before it becomes too late
the game is all laid out to follow
just do what the others do
wear what the others wear
and most crucial of all, say what the other ones say
there ain't no room for weirdos and freaks
trust that it's better if you play it this way
the rewards are great and aplenty
you get to be clone and drone of the day
while your kids dream of riches and freedom
just like you did back in the day
never mind that they'll grow up to be
a snappy new army of clones and drones
designed and resigned to toe the party line
so their kids might dream of riches and freedom
ad nauseum,  ad infinitum
clones and drones, clones and drones
this is the way and the wave of the future
the carrot must always be dangling out there
but don't dare reach the end of the stick

the broken ones

i speak now for the broken ones
huddling in the dingy shadows
at the corner of your eye
those who've come to see
their tears are wasted
on the likes of most
who daily pass them by
i weep now for these broken ones
with drops of ancient grief and woe
from lifetimes past i can ne'er fathom
i mourn now for these broken ones
who seem to have forgotten how to cry
for this deep well of sorrow
is still so very far from dry
i pray now for these broken ones
who seem to have abandoned hope
and trust that god will hear this plea
as this broken one by grace alone,
now stands before ye whole and free

white hot fury

you don't know, do you ?
you say you can help me
your fancy paper in that cheap glass frame hints you might be qualified
but you don't know, do you ?
do you know the white hot fury of hell's eternal flame ?
can you comprehend this ?
there are no words to describe the pure horror
yet you always have words
plenty of words
too many words upon words
too many thoughts
too many questions
too many educated observations
too many clinical analyses
too many current theories and approaches
too many politically correct limitations
too many 9 to 5 presumptions
i have been there
i have been at the center of this white hot fury
i have burned through to empty dust and ashes
and by the grace of powers beyond my ken
i have risen from those faltering embers
i now turn to you for guidance and solace
but you don't know, do you ?
you speak of prescribed earthly strategies and tactics
i am a survivor of an other-worldly nightmare
you say you can help me
yet you know nothing of where i have been
i could teach you of the white hot center of that which consumes all
you don't seem to care to know
you don't ask
no-one asks
no-one seems to care to know
out of mind
out of sight
no problem
trust this
you do not want to burn in this white hot fire
it is eternal
boundless
limitless
endless
forever
this white hot fury again blazes within my mortal breast
i expect to be consumed
i do not anticipate rebirth
only those who've been to hell and back can know of what i speak
you don't know, do you ?

war zone

i was hurting and did not know where to turn
i tried to tell you of the pain and why i believed it so

there lives a damaged child within that dares not ever speak

when the double-think within this mind has taken it's grip on me
i become confused and scared and don't seem to know what's true

i know your best intentions are borne of a kind heart and spirit
the unchanging fact is this, you are not me, and i am not like you

i've told you many times of utter terror that flows through me at times
no matter what my sane mind says, i become frightened beyond words

these fears have roots, there is no doubt, in ancient woe and terror
still though, here and now, this emotion knows no logic

it's as if i were back in that war zone, again and again and again
landmines scattered everywhere which might explode at any time

no-one can know unless they've been afraid of every living being
the only solace to be found has been to keep away from all of ye

i am mortally afraid of you, and you, and you and you and you !
when you come together, it can become too much to bear

this is the truth of this wounded soul, do you think i wish it so ?

endless river

countless voices of those i've loved and known
trip and ripple o'er these holy rocks and stones
i am the stream that breaks into the endless river
i am the sea that welcomes all there is to rest in me

lost mountains

the chill evening song of these lost mountains
soothes my brittle heart into brief and welcome slumber

i am as far away as one might ever be
from those and that which caused me joy and woe

my love for thee has long been one i'd surely die for
though not deep enough it seems, that i might choose to live

i know you're there, i often hear thy gentle breathing
your heartfelt blessings float on every hillside breeze

but fickle fate has shown i cannot bear your presence
and so tis by my absence that i may best serve thee

everything and all

something sharp and brittle
seems trapped beneath this trembling voice

i am so weary and long for solace
i need you though i know not who you are

i have come to peace with holy mother nothing
she is my final resting ground

but you, most intimate of strangers, you are my everything and all
it's you i call to help me with this plight

i do not fear the night's dim shadows
but the searing fire of day fills me with dread


....work in progress

the prey

the hunter's searing eyes of hunger are fixed upon the prize
his sleek and shivering sinews coiled to pounce and strike
this is that perfect bloody moment that each is destined for
as predator and prey now consummate their timeless tryst

the predator

he knows or cares not
what it is that drives him
but primal lust demands
he must seek out his prey
ancient laws of life and death
deep beneath his instincts
compel him on towards
his precious perfect prize
it's neither good nor evil
clouds his urgent feral vision
only but to stalk and wait
until that timeless moment
when hunter and the hunted
shall again become as one

to risk it all

i vow to risk it all
and lay my naked trust upon your altar
as if i were a newborn babe

the veils, the masks, the postures
must all fall away
as by your grace alone my fate is won

oh, sweet holy mother of us all
whose timeless womb now beckons
that place from whence i came

the epic battle now has ended
sword and shield are laid aside

oh, sweet holy mother of us all
i commit this weary spirit unto thee
and do surrender to your eternal winding river
so to flow into your boundless tranquil sea

a deep lost grief

i implore you here and now
please consider these words
with the kindness and patience
you would allow a suffering babe
i am consumed by a deep lost grief
that til now could not dare to know the light
please accept this innocent intimate gesture
with hopes of touching the child in you
it's true at times the powers that be do offer comfort
but neath the hidden depths of my mortal soul
i cry out for you and you and you to know the truth
i need you here and now to help me bear this ancient silent sorrow
i need to know now who you are that
might help to right this troubled ship
the waters seem too fathomless for any sense of ease
please accept this innocent intimate gesture
i need you and you and you
i cannot go on alone from here
i need you, i need you now

the two-legged ones

the crux of life these days for our road weary pilgrim
is learning to trust the two-legged ones again

most of them seem to speak with forked tongues
and choose to hide behind myriad shifting veils

he's told by those who've been back from hell a while
that trust will come, but it's going to take some time

he now wonders if he bears some mark upon his brow
that tells of where he's been, and by grace released

his humble silence seems to shout far too loud and clear
that which so many two-legged ones just cannot dare to hear


......work in progress

impostor

,the old man was trembling
as he violently exclaimed
you are far too honest
for the good of anyone at all !

you're an impostor,
just who do you think you are ?
you don't belong with us,
why won't you heed these words ?

you come here with your simple truth
but only complicate our lives
begone, you charlatan,
there's no such thing as an honest man

your flame, it burns too bright f
or us to ever rest at ease
as our homes and houses are
but made of tinder sticks and lies

the reaper

i sense you there in the hollow shadows

not with my eyes, which always tell me lies

nor with my heart, which often leads me astray

but the knowing of my soul could not mistake you ever

that coal-black hooded cloak could ne'er disguise your grim intent

the sybilant scythe you wield subtly whispers of reaping yet to come

i know the seeds which i have sown and embrace them every one

though misguided, misdirected and driven by a thousand errant forces

they were scattered each of them with true and noble youthful vigor

i understand now who and what you are and why you hide those empty eyes

i have died too many deaths and been reborn, to fear one such as you pretend to be

you are less than nothing, just another tattered coat hung upon some midnight hook

i rest now with a calm and sweet resolve, as holy mother of all holds me to her tender bosom

knowing deep within my being that you are less than nothing

less than nothing at all

i am nothing

i am nothing
down to bare bones now
no more song and dance
no more yes sir, no sir, thank you very much, sir !
only the comforting allure of sweet nothing
blessed nothing
holy nothing
only just to let go
and slip into the inky blue-black whirling pool of nothing
mother of all
take me now
i am no longer something or someone
i have no name or face
i embrace you
holy mother of all
i am now that which you are
i am nothing
i am nothing at all

hey you

hey, you....
yes, you....
yes, i mean you !
just who do you think you are, anyway ?
don't you know who i think i am ?
i already know who you think you are
i haven't been buying it for a long time now
why do you still think i care who you think you are ?
i don't care who you think you are
why should i ?
i don't care who you think i am
why should i ?
i don't care who i think i am
why should i ?
i have come to understand something
what you think or what i think means nothing
what you and i think and what is truly so....well, not the same
never has been
never will be
this only matters
what lives in our hearts and souls
here and now
unites us as one

gargoyle....notes

denizens of the night do not appreciate the guiding light of truth
and will go to any lengths to extinguish this illuminating flame

i've often wondered why the guardians of the gates of hell
are positioned at strategic points around the house of god

the gargoyle's heart is carved of stone
his eyes are cold and sharp and clear as ice
he awaits there in his timeless granite spell
until that perfect spark from hell again ignites



.....work in progress

toxic possibilities

time sure is taking it's time tonight
space seems scattered all over the place
the freezer in my fridge is a-banging and a-clanging
to some ancient tribal oogah-boogah voodoo beat
the fruit-flies hover over something lying rotten and forgotten
at the bottom of that forbidden place i dare not go....the kitchen sink
what began as a sincere and earnest scientific experiment in bachelor efficiency
has now become what looks to be a fertile breeding ground for endless toxic possibilities


.....work in progress

civilized veneer

just beneath the civilized veneer of what you so prefer to think is life
there are cruel and ruthless forces looming in the gloom and shadows

to deny this ancient truth only serves to feed the timeless lustful hunger
growling deep within the famished bellies of these ever lingering beasts

in the harsh but just existence of the mighty regal lion with all his pride
he'd be remiss to ignore the cackling pack of slavering hyenas nearby


.....work in progress

agree to disagree

i may not always agree with what you choose for me
in fact the truth is this, i quite often disagree with thee
if there's a place where we agree to meet and disagree
might we at least agree on where that place might be ?

for any meeting of the minds to come from this, you see
we must agree, it seems to me, to agree we must agree
if we disagree, how can we hope to agree then to agree ?
well, it seems to me, that first we must agree to disagree

once we agree to disagree, we may agree then to agree
though a meeting of the minds may not ever come to be
we agree then to agree to meet where we may then agree
where we then agree to meet is where our hearts shall be

you see ?

to the victors

it's so easy to forget that
every living being we meet
almost hasn't made it
countless times til now

for each survivor we encounter
out along the winding highway
there are so many who have perished
so that we may walk this earth today

we are the victors
though we may not deem it so
i honor then the life within us all
that has survived til now

hail to the victors
hail to the survivors
hail to each and every living soul
hail to thee and me