to listen

on my daily walk to town and back,
i often stop for a rest at a hearing-aid outlet along the way
of course, they provide a client seating area
the receptionist is friendly and courteous
it's just about the right point in the journey to sit for a few minutes
and....
there's a bowl of complimentary candies at the counter
for those of us in our second, third (or more) childhood

today i observed an elderly fellow accompanied by his wife
it seemed the man was there to attend to his hearing problem
his wife was trying her best to relate to him the information offered by the receptionist
i could clearly hear what was being said
his wife could clearly hear what was being said
his wife was repeating the exact message from the receptionist

he just didn't want to listen !

not only did he have trouble with his hearing
he also seemed to have a big-time listening problem !

sanyasi

karmic wheel
full circle

unending
carnival ride ?
seemed so
not long ago

window of
opportunity
step aside
off the ride

no price to pay
already paid

what now ?
where ?
with whom ?
why ?
more like why not ?

sanyasi ?

with no-one
with everyone

have nothing
have everything

karmic wheel
full circle

off the ride

sanyasi


                            note....

sanyasi....term used in india to describe one's choice to renounce worldly affairs....
such as becoming a monk or nun in western cultures

Fair weather or foul

Foul weather today.
No friends about.

hmmmm ?

What does this say about me ?
about my friends ?
about the weather ?

As it turns out;
as much or as little as
I choose to make of it.

Who can i turn to
fair weather or foul ?
A good question indeed.

pray for them

pray for he that seems so certain
it is you that causes him to suffer

pray for the poor wretched gollum
who is bound to life in the shadows

pray for the smug indifferent souls
for they can never know conviction

pray for the ones that have hurt you
they lash out due to their own pain

pray for those who know the truth
though prefer to turn a blinded eye

pray for them

pray for us

all roads lead home

the old priest gazes out upon his flock
each head bowed before the sacred altar

a scarred and broken-bodied warrior
seeking inner peace and final absolution

an elderly wealthy man of commerce
with hopes he'll buy his way to paradise

an anxious scholar who looks for answers
to questions he seems unable to conceive

a mother praying for her hungry children
husband passed away of too much drink

and a road-weary wandering mendicant
who can no longer bear the pilgrim's trail

as the old priest blesses his congregation
he reflects upon one simple timeless truth

no matter how far or wide one ventures
all roads in the end lead back to home

fallen pilgrim

a moment now for a fallen pilgrim
whom i came to know too briefly
when last he stopped to rest awhile

may sweet holy mother of the desert
embrace him to her timeless bosom
and soothe him to his perfect peace

hungry eyes

i am that scruffy urchin
trembling in the winter chill
hungry eyes as wide
as your fancy dinner plate
staring with an empty longing
through the restaurant window
as you settle down in comfort
to enjoy your sumptuous feast

i know you know i'm here
as i caught your furtive glance
but something deep as marrow
tells us all we need to know

there is an ancient rule of order
that has forever served to separate
the likes of thee from the likes of me
hard and fast as that window's glass
and just as near impossible to see

no mercy

it's said the family is like an army
there is no mercy for it's deserters

Legacy

If I wish to be aware of
the legacy of our fathers
no need for looking back
it is here now to be seen.

I've long been entranced by
misty shadows of the past;
and imaginary notions of what
I think of as the future.

Since the beginnings of time
before words were ever spoken
the legacy of the ancient ones
was passed down without fail.

So many layers of hypnotic veils;
so few of them are my creation.
I wonder if I have ever caught
a glimpse of what is truly so.

I pray I come to learn to see
the vision that is meant for me.

please help me

no words of wisdom
no clever rhymes
not this day
something heavy
weighs me down

it seems to be
that mysterious thing
which has always stood
tween me and thee

i have thus far chosen
to grin and bear it
as my personal cross

just for today
i wish to set it down

please help me

i feel so tired and weary
of this solitary burden
it seems too daunting
to carry on alone

will you share this load with me
on this steep and rocky path ?

it seems quite certain today
i cannot go on without you

please help me

there is no doubt within
i would do the same for thee

if you were but to ask
and say these words to me

please help me

true and rightful fate

i accept this lifelong sentence
as my true and rightful fate
it came down to a simple choice
to lay myself before the mercy
of the one who gave me life

....more to come....

the village well

i come to the village well today
though without a need to drink

my worldly thirst now quenched
with home and hearth supplied

i am here to fill a deeper vessel
with what your hearts pour out

resurrection

How will you be reborn
if you do not choose the death
that is written in your destiny ?
You must be the one;
no-one can do this for you.
You cannot know the freedom
of blessed resurrection,
if you do not die the death
that awaits you on this day.

sacrificial altar

Do I think these are just words ?
My mission is nothing less than
to rip this ancient rusted armor
from my huddled coward's form;
to claw away at my conventions,
to savage my guts and scatter them
on the blood-soaked stony floor;
to awaken from my slumber.

These weapons that serve as words.
these surgical instruments with no life,
but to slice my fearful visage away.

My heart cannot be touched
if it's not laid upon the sacrificial altar.
It must be me that chooses this.
It is what I'm here to do

If I choose to slink away
to avoid my destiny,
the altar will be here.
Only my blood will suffice.
Only my heart torn
from it's reluctant breast;
still pumping,
still bleeding out.
Only my heart will suffice.

Do I think these are just words ?
they are the instruments of my salvation.
It must be me that chooses
to lay my heart upon the altar.
No-one else can do this for me.

close that book

close that book
now look within
go smaller
now even smaller
to the point of
the beginning of it all

now go smaller still
what do you see ?
how does it feel ?
no words apply
this is the point
before even sound
this is where it all comes from
the beginning and the end
this is what you are
before the need for who

close that book
save it though
pass it on to one
before he comprehends
the need to
close that book
and look within
to the point of
the beginning of it all

to my imaginary friend

hello
how do you do ?
what a silly thing to say
how do you do what ?
and when ?
and why ?
oh well
nice to meet you
i think
of course i don't know anything about you
since we haven't met
so the nice part of meeting you
could be very short in duration
it could be so very un-nice so very soon
oh well
hello
i like that greeting
not pretentious
or smarmy
or oh so very continental
or pretend spiritual
or tropical
how are you ?
i don't really care....yet
i might
might not
who knows ?
i need a friend
i think
why ?
i ask myself
do i not have someone to call a friend
no
yes
maybe
i don't know
those i know who i consider friends
well
okay
so maybe a friend is not what i mean
perhaps trusted confidant is the appropriate term
someone
who will listen with an open mind and heart
who does not feel it necessary to offer wisdom
the right answer
helpful advise
what i should think, feel, say or do
someone who will just listen
and let me speak til i feel better
sometimes
not often
but when i need someone to listen
i want that someone
to have a sincere willingness to be present
is this a friend ?
i don't know
i am writing to my imaginary friend
are you out there ?
or are you residing within my being ?
hmmmmmm?
good question

spider's web 2

the world is like a cunning spider's silken web
spun to lure you in with it's seductive charms

truth-seeker

trust the one who seeks the truth
doubt the one who says he's found it

dead end road

i found myself again hurtling down
some aimless nameless highway
on yet another urgent expedition
towards that elusive greener pasture
looming there just beyond the bend
not knowing which way i would turn
at the next crossroads down the line

without fail a voice would speak
just before the crucial moment
of hell or heaven i did not know
and then the choice was made
as if it had been scripted all along

i could not ever comprehend
the what and why and wherefore
all i knew for sure was i believed
i must keep moving....or i would die !

those hell-hounds nipping at my heels
were all the motivation that was needed
to keep me running on that dead-end road
neither here nor there but forever in-between

all i ever wanted

i am blinded by the things i've never told you
and crippled by the sense i still can never dare
to express what has been buried for so long

as i voiced when you could no longer hear me
with trembling palm upon your ice cold cheek
dear father, all i ever wanted was to love you
these simple words i felt never free to speak

yet another version

it seems for endless lifetimes
i've been trapped behind
yet another version of
what i want to think i know
i was so sure i loved you
until the very end of time
but it wasn't you i loved
as i knew you not at all
in fact it wasn't even love
but just another version of
what i want to think i know

my father's child

i have wandered through the desert
and withdrawn to mountain heights
anywhere i might escape the torment
of believing that i'd been forsaken

but since this heart has rediscovered
i have always been my father's child
i rest at peace when the day is done
and awaken now to a hopeful dawn

light of truth

how dare i bare my soul to thee ?
and challenge all that you believe

i share from deep within my being
as if my father speaks through me

i see my words of love and mercy
seem to scald your flesh like acid

it's clear you stir to marshal forces
to contend with someone such as me

there is now no further choice for me
the light of truth reveals my destiny

approval

I seem to be hard-wired
to seek out your approval,
and live in secret dread
that you'd disapprove of me.

I know where this began
in those early family days.
Signs of love were absent
so approval took it's place.

Even that was hard to gain,
sometimes quite impossible.
Disapproval was my game;
better than nothing at all.

prayers of thanks

many prayers of thanks
for those who demonstrate
how i must not choose to be

the history of our world
plays out each passing day
before these guileless eyes

you who proudly boast
to have acquired humility
as if it were a posh diploma
displayed above your mantle

i watch your moving lips as
you articulate well-chosen phrases
and trust that you believe in
what you say when you say it

but i also watch those lips
while you're not the central focus
there's a smug and spiteful sneer
curled there at their corners
when that someone you despise
dares speak such awful things
you cannot bear to hear

this tells me more than any
pious well-intentioned words
you could possibly express

though your lips and words do match
like some flim-flam carny act
it's your deeds that do the talking
and i ain't buying what you're selling

many prayers of thanks
for those who demonstrate
how i must not choose to be

ghosts and demons 2

those fearsome ghosts and demons
that chased me down too many
endless nameless highways
have now revealed themselves
for what they've always been

figmentary apparitions which
then i could not dare to face

if it weren't for death's long shadow
looming round that hairpin bend
along some lonely dusty backroad
on yet another hell-bent road-trip

no doubt i would be running still !

more to come....

between the lines

what you seek with such fervent zeal
as you scour those texts and scriptures
is greater than the written word can ever be

for all the knowledge of all the worlds
amounts to lifeless markings in the sand
before the mighty sweep of time and tide

life's priceless secret lies within your grasp
plain to see for all who cease to look for it
if you were only just to read between the lines

holy mother

holy mother of us all
where have you been so long?

i am the arid desert wasteland
i am the thirst that harshly cries
through cracked and blistered lips

come to me
come to me now

i must drink
from your life-giving breast
or i fear that i shall die

you have blessed me with your
drops of sweet and precious tears
that have sustained me til this hour

yet it seems i have been cursed
with a faulty leaking flask

holy mother of us all
where are you now ?

come to me
come to me now

hole in the bucket

my bucket had a hole in it
i kept trying to fill it
the more i tried
the more ended up down the drain

it wasn't for lack of what was needed
to fill the darn bucket
that it wasn't getting full

of that there was an abundance
which had been there all along

the bucket had a hole in it !

whatever was i to do ?

one day a wise man suggested
fix the darn bucket !
eureka ! i cried
the man was a genius

i determined to take myself
to the place i had discovered
that specialized in fixing buckets

it turns out it's not a one-man affair
these darn buckets cannot be fixed alone
one needs more than two hands

so-o-o-o - o - o  -  o

now my bucket is fixed
and that which was needed to fill it
still in abundance
as it always had been
has accumulated

one drop at a time !

one day at a time !

until such time as
it became full enough for me to drink heartily

before long it became full enough to attend to
daily cooking and cleansing needs

then it became full enough to share with my fellows
and still retain enough for personal use

and then....
one miraculous day....
my bucket runneth over !

now there's plenty of what was needed
which was in abundance already
for everyone and all !

hallelujah !

amen